Dear Diary,
November has went around for 11 months and has returned to haunt us now.
Last November had been a cold, bitter one in which le père bade us farewell and embarked on another journey of his own. I did not know how I was going to get through it all, and the loss itself felt eternal. I did not know when I would stop crying, stop missing him - I still feel the pain at the regrets, still feel the pain at not having him around, wishing I had done more for him / with him, and most of all, forgiven him. A year has passed, and while the pain does not taunt me this way anymore, I never stopped wishing he were still around... Love you, mon père.
So I was working on my business presentation slides and preparing myself for some Q&A questions. I passed up on the previous round of presentation as I had not been prepared for the Q&A. With the preparation now, I should be more adept at handling the queries from the potential investors. As suggested, too, I might look into foreign investors instead. The research on styles and fabrics remind me of my love for the fashion industry and how I had wanted to be a fashion designer when I was younger, creating the most fabulous dresses and outfits that no one else came up with...
Am planning for a trip next year to go Canada to visit the Bestie and friends. It was *Fion's wedding last month and I flew to Bali to attend it. What a beautiful wedding, and I enjoyed making new friends and loved catching up with her after so long. The place was gorgeous, and I did a couple of crazy things - one of which was to swim in my evening gown with her sister-in-law. I love these carefree people, love the liberal lifestyles.
Just came back from Ko Samui, another beach resort trip in which I stayed in a gorgeous seafront villa, visited a bar with ice sculptures, feasted on delicious seafood and simply relaxed. I am beginning to understand why is it that the Westerners love the beach so much - swimming in the lukewarm seawaters and being bobbed by the waves, feeling the sun kissing the skin, walking on the soft sands and sitting under the umbrellas letting seabreezes caress our skin dry....While sipping a cold drink and reading a good book... How tranquil and free.
Back to reality and work and doing homely stuff - business preparation, groceries shopping, catching up with friends next week, reading, and Yoga. I believe I gained weight, much to my chagrin. Two close girlfriends will be holding their baby showers.
For those who wondered why I made the decision I did..... Especially those who may have viewed my decision with resentment or think me foolish, oh well, let me assure you that it was not an easy decision to make. If everything was as simple as one thinks, then the world would not be so whacky, believe me. Many things are just purely surface, but how many of us will show the world what is private? We have both made sacrifices, and tried.... Yes the nuptial was just a step away, and there is no saying I would never regret it ever (who knows what the future holds?), but if everything had been perfect, wouldnt the deal have been sealed a long time ago?
Sigh. If only we could just live our lives like a vacation - where there is no fixed routine everyday, where one has no worries or stress and just need to find food, activities to do, and look out for star-filled skies... Who does not yearn for that, pray tell?
That said, I am trying not to get excited hearing all the Christmas music and seeing all the Christmas decorations and gift sets on display in malls.... It is my favoritest time of the year... always....
See you next month, mon cheries... Kisses...
