On the Last month of 2011

Dear Diary

The final month of the year has finally stolen me out of November’s hands and December greeted me with bouts of fever, nose-bleeds, and the flu. With the Wet Christmas and year-end sales target to worry about, I cannot feel the excitement for the upcoming Yuletide festivities. Where are you Christmas?

Worry not, it does not mean that I won’t set aside time for catching up with the various groups of friends for Christmas dinners, and Christmas shopping. I love giving presents, love the Christmas food and even some carols. Sometimes I do think back on past Christmases spent with friends - the crowded countdown parties, the quieter red wine nights, the elegant Christmas dinners etc.


Black dress with elegant, heavy-threaded stitched collar and high neck


Unresolved mysteries have left me seeking for answers on a daily basis, wondering when another chance encounter would come by? The world is small (made even smaller by technology), but it is extremely huge when you are searching for nameless objects or persons. I may have a shot in January, but come what may.

I also realize that I have just about the best job that I haven’t learned to cherish or work hard enough for. Sure enough, the promotion came too easily for me. Sure enough, I live by comfortably enough by putting in just enough efforts to keep the boat floating, But what was offered me was more. Some living examples around me have shown me thus. How rewards are reaped by harder work – I do not mind the hours do I? Besides the occasional trips, afternoon teas and malls crawls, I do love doing what I am supposed to do for this job. I don’t have to worry about being overlooked for the next ladder climb because of rumors or a little taint on the punctuality records. I do not have to worry about time management or following a rigid schedule. I do not have to worry about being contained in an office for eight hours trying to flirt with the computers.


Cream and lace dress with a black-and-cream back with gold zip


A darker realization has hit me as well. The realization that marks a certain beginning with an end….like how you see two shades of different liquid in a bottle, and shake it so it becomes homogenous? The separation of the beginning stages and the end stages are interlinked, combined into one. Whilst timidly seeking wisdom and experience was the name of the Game, it now becomes mere surface attraction. The stakes are different of course, too. The way I am feeling now? Its like all the mixed emotions are akin to snowflakes swirling around a giant glass ball.



Well, thats the end for the year end updates. I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, enjoy the holiday season, and have a blast this coming 2012 New Year. Kisses to go along with the countdown, whether you are intending to party like crazy, attend some elegant balls, or just enjoy a quiet time with family and friends....smooches...xoxoxo

Nove-l

Dear Diary

Another ten months of Time's slideshows have passed by, leaving me in the strange hands of November. I dont want the rain, I want the flakes.

And I want to make the most out of this month. Samhain (aka Halloween has barely passed and I'm already in the mood for Winter Solstice (Christmas). My feet cant wait to walk the malls,  my eyes cant wait to spot good presents, my hands cant wait to touch fabrics for my gowns, and my lips cant wait to whistle to carols. Its all about the senses.

Passed an exam that should increase my sales portfolio. I didnt need to study much for it - even though I'd been a little fearful after hearing some colleagues mention failing them numerous times. Made some plans for vacations. Started on my writings again.

Made some dates with some of my favoritest girlfriends for catching up - I'm blessed to have you guys. I mean, I love the male friends I have - for a more practical insight into problems, for being there, making me laugh, for your support and brains. But equally I love love love my female friends for the gossips, shopping and catching up sessions, sharing what only we could and would, having fun and solving problems together. You are my gems.

A little bit of spiritual breakthrough. Not going to go into details here, aint even sure if I'm one step closer to heaven, but by all means, put my name down on the waiting list. Still keen to know what I was in a previous life, though. Dr. Goldsberg, why have you stopped doing PL meditations for people?



Been meeting weird people in my line of work. Granted, some of them eventually became friends or acquaintances, but some of them just strike the wrong chords in me. I can very nice, so nice you can take advantage of my niceties, but I can be very nasty too....and I no longer care about what others think of me, because quote, "Character is important because its what you are but reputation is only what others think you are". 

Respect is a very important element everyone needs to learn. Respecting of others' privacy and personal space. Respecting of others' characters and behaviors (ok, this takes a little of the Psychology training I've underwent but never truly put into use). Respecting of others' jobs, races, religions, academic qualifications etc. Respecting of others' social circles - who has the right to criticize if someone is the right company or "quality friends"? I must've stuck with them for a reason, right? Even if you dont like who I'm hanging out with and cant accept them, you should at least accord me the respect not to belittle them in my presence.

And sharing a little of my Top Ten likes and dislikes. Oh well, it doesnt have to be your concern, sweethearts, just take it that I'm doing some self-reviews and comparing the list made a year back.




Likes:
(i) French (the language, I'm taking it next year. The food - every single bit of it. The culture. The history- think Queen Mary Stuart and Marie Antoinette. The arts. The music)

(ii) Wine (red or ice)

(iii) Christian Dior (bags, accessories, cosmetics)

(iv) chocolates (dark, or those with raisins or cherries within their wombs)

(v) Blackberry (I'm this diehard supporter who just wont support any i-phone, pad, pod or otherwise)

(vi) Escapism (movies, books, music - all welcome)

(vii) animals (sometimes I love them more than humans - at least their intentions are purer)

(viii) Power - power suits, power in management, power in driven persons - fucking sexy. Including intellectual conversations- doesnt matter if we can hold quality debates or if I may sound like the interested party absorbing something I can't relate to.

(xi) old-fashioned trinkets like musical boxes, pocket watches, gramophones, old-fashioned antique phones etc

(x) vacations (especially the kinds where I get to infiltrate into the culture, learn and absorb it like the locals do)



Dislikes
(i)  impudence (hate it, hate it, especially when it comes from people I already dislike. Simple things like not knowing when to say thank you or sorry, constantly on the phone messenger when out, interrupting my speech etc )

(ii)  Whiners ( not just those who complain about everything, but also those who complain about others' flaws and commit the same mistakes- helloooooo, self-reflections!)

(iii) Broken promises - if you cannot fulfill it, dont give birth to a promise, please.

(iv)  Noise - I am very sensitive to it

(v) Unfairness - biasness or accusations all fall under this category

(vi) tight spaces - I'm seriously claustrophobic

(vii) Abusers- of animals or humans. I'd do a voodoo doll against you anytime, or poison your drinks. Watch me.

(viii) Odors - how could someone not know it when they have bad breath or smell of sweat?

(xi) Dirt (yeah, I'm somewhat rupophobic)

(x) Being controlled - I do things at my pace and style - take it or leave it. You can't even try to influence the way I feel about someone, I prefer to form my own judgments, thank you. Don't try to be demanding towards me, I set my limits for a good reason.


Well, thats about it, sweethearts. Thanks for reading this. Stay tuned. Sending you off to the next page with kisses and hugs.
---<----(@

Fall's Entry

Dear Diary,

It is the final month of the Autumn solistices... October.

Fear grips my heart, realizing that the end of the year is drawing near. I need to get ahead soon, and work doubly hard. I need a strong mind, some luck, ardent support and every waking minute to achieve what I have in mind. I need the fires to spear me on, and the stars to shine down on me.

Stupidity has caused me to lose out on a business deal. The light only dawned on me today, that I could've gone by the back door. But I discovered it too late. Nonetheless, spilled milk is not to be wept over, we could always make another bottle.

electric blue vinyl dress with spaghetti-straps

Elegant black dress with unique low neckline

I am looking forward to another trip starting this weekend. It will be a trip filled with nice food, spa sessions and shopping; a place I have never been to before, waiting for me to explore. Best of all, I will be visiting my best friend in the world - it would be such a joy to be with her again. I am bringing with me a close friend so we would have so much fun. I should be leaving my packing of the luggage to the night before my flight.

I just hope that my cough recovers in time so I could have a better time.

People in general are so complicated. The more I learn about them, not only do they get less interesting, but they may unravel sides to them that we do not expect. Sometimes, you know not who to trust anymore.

And sometimes, people blame everything and everyone else when things do not go their way. It just does not dawn on them that they may need to do some serious reflections and rationalization, to make improvements so as to come to terms with Reality. Not my place to say anything, so I shall just leave it.

Oktoberfest is approaching soon - beer and bustwrusts! Samhain is approaching at the end of the month, too. Happy seasons to all out there, sent with much kisses and love

-----<----!@

 

 

In-SEP-tion

Dear Diary

Long due, indeed, this entry of mine.

I know not what to update... September is due to be a month of hard work - I have four months, no, I think less, to achieve what I need to. The usual afternoon high teas and reading-in-cafes sessions need to make way of laborious days chatting with strangers.

The question of being bestowed with a title is yet to be known for certain.

Lately, the tale of Mary Queen of Scots has been keeping me company on long journeys and late nights.

 
Enthralled by the tale of Anne Boleyn, I have gone on to read more about the other queens.

The tale of Mary Queen of Scots has me hooked to the bait like a greedy, hungry fish. I cannot help but find myself being irresistibly drawn by the grandeur of lives in court, by the honour of lords and knights, by the simple lives of nothing but lute lullabies, horse-riding and thirty-two dinners. The beauty of the unity of a single faith, of languages uttered in poetic forms, and preservation of cultures.

Most of all, I love the beautiful queen's free spirits, seductive sensuality, and the courage to fight for what she believed in. It is not hard to feel for her - the fears and joys and sorrows throughout the period she was imprisoned and abused. One always prayed for freedom and sanction for her.

Many a time, it makes me yearn to be cast back in time, in a life of such - devoid of the odd, complex world I am in. It has moved too fast-paced, ahead of me, i feel like a bookmark getting stuck on an unturned page.
The grass always seems greener on the other side. Whose tale shall I lose myself in, now?

And escapism through words or songs, is truly beauteous, meaningful and blissful. It is unlike losing oneself in binges or alcoholic mellowness; losing myself in words and songs has the true effects of transporting me to worlds beyond my knowledge or imagination.

Its almost like nirvana - doses of LSD with more engagement.

You wont understand my stigma. None could.

and now, I leave you in the cold hands of the night, lost in the wispy trails of smoky dreams..... kisses

 

 

The Return of Augustus (Edit)

Dear Diary,

The night is still young but I can feel the call of the Dream God, beckoning me into his arms. However, my mind is too active, and refuses to be taken in by the lure of sweet dreams easily.

I should be heading to pen a few pages for my novels later on, but now, I should extend a warm welcome to August, shouldnt I?



August - the month three of my closest girlfriends have their birthdays - stay gorgeous and happy, *Charliez, *Priscilla and *Nikki. You know my love's with you, always.

August  - the month I'm still continuing my Vegan diet. You should really watch this video, on the cruelty of treatment to animals. Perhaps, this shall strengthen my love for Nature and my bond with my Pagan faith? I just think that animals shouldnt be ill-treated or tortured just so human beings get to enjoy their body parts, and I really hate it that these innocent, innocuous and adorable lifeforms are being hurt.



Oh, you don't know this side of me - Im aloof and cold, often; even cruel, but I have very soft spots for animals. To me, I'd rather see evil human beings get tortured and sacrificed than these harmless animals whose only faults in life's probably the inability to defend themselves.

I wish I could inject more emotions and personal updates onto this Blog of mine, but someone please tell me, what to write on?

Guilt? Two incidents made me realize that people have strange and rather cowardly ways of showing their guilt, unwittingly. Besides the usual suspects who often loudly exclaim or overly-discuss crimes or faults committed by other potential suspects, I've learned that silent consent is a new form of guilt admittance, as well. I should've acquired knowledge of it back when I studied Law, but I guess its not one of those things you practice enough to remember on a daily basis.

Culprit A did something to cause embarrassment and hurt to me, thus burning all bridges of all possible platonic or professional friendships...there was no explanation or apologies offered, but his silent acceptance of being removed from my linked sites and keeping a distance at a recent "bumped-into" event suffice to tell me that he has silently acknowledged his mistake and is too ashamed to come forward to even say "hi".  Culprit B had the audacity to dump a boxload of used tissues and other trash on my new office desk. When I tossed the box back onto her desk, and took the liberty of tossing a couple of her table-dressings into the box, she acquisced to her wrongdoing in silence and dared not make demands to find out who'd returned the disgusting box to her.




Its really funny, how people cannot simply apologize and make things right. An issue of pride, which cannot even feed our tummies or fulfill our desires? Or simply cowardice, the reluctance to face the painful music by their consequences? To begin with, more thoughts before actions could've prevented these stupid situations that warrant recovery or solutions.

I cant say that I'm fault-proof, but I am good at gathering enough evidence to support everything I do or say. I am not afraid to apologize for my mishaps, as well.

That said, I guess 'tis enough for now, another side revealed. I actually wonder if I have some form of sober multiple-personality-disorders or is it just versatility at play.

Well, five more months to work really hard before serious play.

Kisses for the next thirty days before I see you again. Bon nuit!





EDIT

Oddly, the other night I dreamed of Dionysus. The thing was that, I didnt even know who he was, at least not consciously. So i went to Yahoo him, and found out that he was the God of Wine, Theater and Ecstasy, three of my favorite things. What sign am I getting here, I wonder?

My eldest Aunt recently passed on - a coma took over and stealthily stole her last breath. I am saddened, because she used to take care of our family when we were younger; and it is very surreal that at the next festivities, I would not be seeing her again. I hope the Deities watch over her, protect her soul and bless her. Life is so fragile...

Independent July

Happy July 4th! Its Independence we seek, and its what we shall get!

I dont know how July will fare, but I would love for pictures, lyrics and my own Quotes to tell my story for this month.... I feel like revamping myself  - my life is becoming a la the Case of Benjamin Button, at times...





hasta la vista, kisses.




 
My Quotes

#1:  My hatred for you would drive me to work harder than I've ever before- it may be the wrong source of motivation, but perhaps I would need to thank you instead... when results are shown...

#2:  "The law is reason free from passion" ..... and we, human beings, are passion free from reasons....more often than not...

#3:  Unsatiated wants eventually become Needs...





I have been working really hard this month, and onwards. I'd nearly forgotten how wonderful and sextifying it is, to work really hard, and reap the results of seeds sown. Some shopping done as well...


                 



     


 

Mid-year Tales

Dear Diary,

I couldnt believe that June has arrived and is knocking on the door. Shall I open it? Too late, its already sitting in the foyer!

Social-wise, there are the usual drinks, dinners and dances with my beloved friends. A good male friend of mine shall tie the knot in a week's time, so yes, the journey of attending weddings and baby christening ceremonies still prevail. I may be a step closer to enjoying the novel-perfect parties soon.

Work-wise, good news and mediocre news have formed themselves into a circle around me, so while there's smiles and sweat, there's also some significant changes in the schedules. I had a dream about publishing my books finally; and I for one, absolutely cannot wait.



Spiritual-wise, its all troughs and peaks. Sadly, the Tarot readings werent accurate - did I read them wrongly, or was the deck contaminated by the energy of another Toucher?

Otherwise, a trip abroad was cancelled, leaving me more time to work on my career, shopping (its the Sale season) and personal projects that are never-ending. There would be visits to touristy spots, as well. A yacht or cruise trip would just about make it perfect.... I am still immersed in the British and French cultures currently (the former being the results of mutual contacts and research for my books).

My male-sized Ego took a beating as well. Never in my entire life had I seen treatment this way, but I had brought it upon myself for not verifying properly. I guess I didnt expect a friend - or mutual friend - to do something this vile. That this person would disregard and disrespect my very clear message of disinterest (professionally-speaking) at this point in time. That this person would take the liberty of arranging a meeting without the basic courtesy to inform of a guest. Besides the initial shock which I was sure my mask hid, and the word-war laced with a tinge of defensiveness (which, if circumstances had been different, I might've been more open about things), I guess I handled the situation pretty well.

The blow was so low, though, that I knew at that point in time, that all bridges for friendship ties or even a joint-venture would be severed. I guess I never want to see that person ever again. Call me egoistic, I just found it utterly insulting. It makes this person no different from the MLM-salesmen who made use of my appointment to present their products, and it is no different from what I did years back, thus losing many friends along the way. Pardon my French, but fuck you, really.



In other news, stay tuned. I shall take my glass of Wine, mayhaps some meditation, and head into Morpheus' arms (oh, Morpheus,  by the by - is the God of Dreams, just in case anyone doesnt follow the mythologies). Adieu, with lots of kisses and hugs.

Beltane Month

 

 

Dear Diary

after mellow pursuits of my arts - some fashion designs competition, some company logo competition, some writings so I can get published soon (hopefully) and a little political research for our upcoming Election, I have bene enjoying an average of 4 hours on a nightly basis.

Yes, the Beltane month is probably the best month to sow and plant my inspirations into full-fledged works rather than games of my passionate interests (which are, by the way, wide and varied).

Mon beau and I celebrated our Fifth Year anniversary at some suites hotel that made me race-conscious. No offense to anyone, but hell yeah, I have never felt foreign-er in a foreign land! But then, the gift, wine (cabernet Sauvignon is slowly replacing my love for Merlot) and the weekend together made up for the "stranded in an odd land" feeling.

These few months I have been enjoying too much drinks and cuisine at restaurants and bars I have always yearned to go, but did not have the chance.

The Election is upcoming, and I have a pretty good idea who I am going to vote for. If I have the time I would love to be a volunteer - they actually sent me an invite to do so! (UPDATES: the Great Election is over and results were somewhat disappointing.)

But I am splitting my time between work - yes, it is time to start getting busy again after four months of enjoyment and star gazing - the trade shows and telemarketers are back, and my focal has to be strong. For the daytime, at least. I love high teas, lounging over wines and shopping in the afternoons too much, but money aint coming in this way unless I marry a tycoon.

 

I will continue my spiritual paths and servitude towards Those who have blessed me and watched over me. It bothered me that I could no longer recall my dreams vividly the moment I wake up. Every detail used to be crystal clear, even throughout the day. I need my dreams because usually, they mean something.

My writings shall be continued in the night, after my day-job. Lots of vitamins, water and energy to sustain. Strange how once you find your passion, you do not feel tired even if you have to lead a sleepless lifestyle.

More updates to be had. In the meantime, I sign off - kisses and roses and some favorites recent phrases of mine

Moon's gentler bosoms rest the earth, senseless pleasure taken under oath, bloody-Marys metallic kisses - in Me
Gentle sun's arms embracing the earth, heinous pleasures taken under wrath, full-bodied Bordeaux kisses - in You.

unsatiated wants eventually become Needs...

 

 

 

 

Title: April's Wishing Well

Dear Diary

It is my month - the month of Fire, diamonds and well, hopefully, fulfilled desires.

I cannot foresee the upcoming weeks and what they may entail, but I know I will be a bee again, after all this long breaks and vacations.

Giftswise, there were Christian Dior, Givenchy, Lancome, Chanel, Calvin Klein, Swaroskvi, Vichy and more to come. I love you my friends and family- thank you for remembering.

I went for a lovely holiday (note: no raw seafood and snow mountains no thanks to quakes, tsunamis and nuclear infection; and no shopping or tea sipping in mountain tea huts) at a beach resort. It was generally enjoyable - late nights, candlelit rooms, lazing by the poolside or beachfront reading books or magazines, getting a healthy tan, pampered by massages and spas, eating seafood at stilted restaurants, ordering room service, and you'll never guess what - I learned how to swim. Yes, the latter, which has been the bane of my existence, and after running through two coaches, I have more or less given up any possible affairs with the waters. Mon beau has taught me how to swim - without having to duck my entire head underwater, and I had so much fun I was reluctant to leave the pool.

 

I do miss the quietness of the place, the slow pace of life, and watching sunlight reflections on the seas that made them look like diamonds afloat the blue waters. Beauteous.

More book ideas. Less time. More fun for me, though.

I love Escapism with a passion. With it, there is no need for me to reside amongst the pains of everyday's reality, there is no need to face the things we covet but could never attain, no need to worry about the troubles we face. With it, we can be anyone we want to be, do anything we yearn to do, even, be anyone we wish we could be, living the ideal life we wish we were bestowed.

Escapism can be in the form of losing ourselves in movies, novels, or our own writings, it may also come in the form of strong imagination. I actually have a Blog for my muses, these seemingly hidden alter egos that I escape into. Far away from this world...

Some people would always wonder, whats so bad about reality? Why can we not count our blessings?

I do, really I do count them. Just that, it doesnt hurt to want more.

The night unfolds,
Robbing my mind of sane thresholds,
And the Angel stepped  -
Was it the Demon who'd tripped? -
Upon my dreams so dark,
Never to be woken by the larks.

Smiles upon closed lips,
Dusts of dreams upon shut lids;
Somewhere in the map of my heart,
I drew upon fiery hearths
Somewhere, reachable within my grasp,
Dissolving into coldness, as frost.

The white-clad ballerinas dancing the dream
Slip and fall from the beams
Of light, From grace, like angels from Sins
Upon  the stage of dreams that burn,
Bringing pains of fiery icyness; or icy hotness,
Me wishing to be woken from this mess.

(C) copyright 2011 Bianca

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MARCH-ing On..., 2011

 

Dear Diary

Time has sharpened its blade and sliced off a quarter of an entire year.

The past few months have been cruelly cold; I've forgotten that I could still sweat. Till this morning when the sun was coming on strong and left me in glistening sweat during a semi-long walk to my destination.I'd deem this a "sun bath", one I would always remember in the face of colder climates.

Because of the festivities, I have been indulging in a variety of good food - French, Spanish, Chinese, seafood, etc. I love foie gras and chicken pate, but learning of the cruelty imposed upon the poor birds to obtain their intestines for fine food, has prevented me from touching them for a long while. It is also time these sumptuous meals are laid to rest and I open up the lids of my diet protein meal replacements. I should review my Yoga membership as well.

Because of the holidays, I have been having a lot of fun, losing myself in my writings, movies, and other people's writings. Lots of crime stories and shows in order. I must admit - reading too much spy novels could really get one paranoid about being tailed (but in reality I have been tailed a few times indeed) and paranoid if someone talking to you is an undercover or sleuth. Interesting. But still, lying in the strong, warm arms of Escapism and allowing complete seduction, has become a way of life too luxurious, simply losing oneself in a life that does not belong to us. You can be anyone, meet everyone, play any role, get lost anywhere. 'Tis orgasmic and darkly sinful.

I will be travelling again - just unsure if it would be to a place I might shop and feast on raw seafood or a place I might shop and enjoy small teahouses in the hilltops. Both entice me, I need getaways. Mind-blowing sex amidst mindless days that one awakes to azure skies and an air that does not smell remotely familiar.

To end this off, I shall talk about recent episodes I had with holistic healers and so-called modern-day witch doctors... It is notably sad that lately, every profession's foci is on profits, revenues and income. In this pragmatic world we thrive in, is there no escape to placing the dollar sign for every tangible or intangible service rendered? Granted, they need the money to survive; but if, like doctors who care more about billing than their patients' true well-beings, then I classify them in categories not higher than your average mall retailer or street salespeople. Worse, there are people who use the name of the Deities to concoct scams and hoaxes - it makes me wonder if they have no fear of retribution by the higher entities?

I end my entry with that question hanging in the dense, cold air of today.  Moonshine, Merlor and Martinis are in order

Serene night cascading over languid dark clouds
Soulful gazes exchanged between the stars caught amidst

There is no room for the Moon to wander
No heights for the Thunder to blow its top

Gentle winds twirl the leaves into merry dancing
As the rain hides behind the boughs holding back tears

‘Tis beauteous, celestial betrayal of a virginal day,
Drunken, on the fires of Winter’s cruellest breaths.

The entire scene makes no sense to my half-closed eyes
Staring through the porch-perched glass of deep red wine

 

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