Mid-year Tribute (Special Edition)

Dear Diary

Just wanted to write more this month, somehow. It is a fun month, amidst all the busy workload. I visited the Universal Studios, Bird Park, watched soccer at a nice place, shopped some, did some voluntary work, met up with some friends... and got to spend some time by myself.

Like today. Strange how I was just thinking to myself yesterday, how much I miss shopping in the afternoon. Sometimes,  I wish I didnt have to work - that I could just spend my afternoons shopping, going for spa and manicures, doing Yoga etc. An appointment canceled out in the morning, leaving me with a fair bit of time to kill. I decided to spend a small portion of it fulfilling my desire, and headed to town. Hit the malls, and had lunch at a nice dining place alone. It has been quite some time since I last ate, shopped or caught a movie on my own. It was an enjoyable experience. I got to eat my favorite risotto, and today I tried the best-tasting tea I have ever tried. It was definitely a good gamble I took! Some common-sounding tea "Caramel Creme" but it tasted nothing like sweet, awful caramel. It was a delicate red tea from Africa, but the tea was richly-flavored with French spices. I loved it.



Why are some some people so reticent about hanging out alone? Oh well.. perhaps I am indepedent or have some loner's instrincts in me, but I find my own company enjoyable at times. You can be a free spirit without restraint of time, venues to pop by, or other nitty-gritty details. Though, I would adviser against spending too much time alone, forgetting about our friends.

I witnessed series of small miracles bestowed by my wonderful Deities lately. It is simply amazing. I just need to do more, to play my part as a worthy worshipper. My religion is a kind, gentle religion that brings out the best in people *supposedly*. People who do not know anything about it believe it to be evil or heretic. I have read widely about all kinds of religions before settling on This path. And I love my Deities. I also have some of my own special powers, and I would like to develop them further through Paganism. In case anyone is wondering... no, I do not use magic as a tool to benefit myself selfishly. I do not cast it so I may become more beautiful or richer; nor do I cast it to "force" another parties to do things against their will just so I gain the advantage from this transformation. We do not blaspheme against other religions or think them of ill intentions before fully understanding the true nature of this religion.

Even if we do practice spellcraft, we do not use sacrifices to fulfill a spell. We make use of the power of mind, and the vibration of energy around us to ask. The power of mind is scientifically proven, that if one's mind power is strong enough, there is very little that cannot be attained.



I also believe my Deities sent mon beau. No, I am not one of those gullible, lovestruck females who believe that their men are perfect and that everyone will be fidel to each other etc. He has done a lot for me, and tried his best to change so it may please me. He understands my religion, and even believes in its teachings.

Whatever the case is, I understand him, too. And I know he is not able to hide things from me because I dream. Because my dreams often predict a truth, or inform me what is going to happen or has happened. I am merely stressing this because lately, things seem a little shaky.

Building a relationship is not easy. One needs to find the the right partner, one whom they are attracted to, and can at least imagine themselves kissing or making love to. Of course, there are people I know who are with each other merely because of other factors such as wealth, status or fame etc. Being together, besides spending time together, having fun, one has to be there for the other. Then slowly, we start to find out what our partners like and dislike, start to meet their friends and family and colleagues, eventually.

white mock-turtleneck blouse by Forntieer, with sides lined in black; Unique!
 

We also need to get used to everything about the other person. How they talk, how they walk, how they dress, how they sneeze, how they do not wash up before sleeping on the bed, how they throw their belongings around a room, their oddities and quirks etc. All these are no snaps of the fingers. They all require compromises and commitment to get used to.

I know people who have been together for a decade, and still seperated eventually. What was lacking? Faith? Passion? Or were there outside infliences?

These are very personal issues. I believe mon beau is not someone who would betray me - and I am saying this because I have valid reason to believe so. If anything, I think I need to change more, so the relationship will have a better balance. I dont trust easily - in fact, I do not trust at all. It took a long while for me to trust him completely, and this trust is here to stay.

Que sera sera.

blackforest cake baked for my birthday - by mon beau's eldest sis, at http://www.bakericious.blogspot.com. This cake was heavenly.

Mid-Year Tribute

beautiful notebooks. So me



Dear Diary

It is yet another month slowly sailing through the seas of time. It has been a rainy Summer. In fact, today, traffic was so bad that I was kept on the bus for an hour - my usual traveling time to work is ten minutes. The best part was? The damned bus broke down a stop before mine. It just makes me frustrated to think, how screwed the local transport system is, to break down everytime there is a flood or heavy rain. And we call this "world class transport".

black dress with semi-toga, checkered straps 


Been feeling stressed and not too stellar for the past weeks. I do not know who exactly is reading my blog, because all I see from my trackers are ip-addresses. But details shall not be disclosed here... I felt strangely calm, even tranquil... but I knew I was somewhat depressed. My comfort food were Coke and chocolates. I did not sleep much as well. Though, I thought I should be feeling much stronger emotions than this numbed tranquility.

Sometimes, gloomy feelings like these provoke so much thoughts in me. Even silent reproaches towards myself. I throw myself the question "What right do you have to feel depressed?" Exactly that. What right do I, do many others, have to get all upset, melodramatic and act like life is mistreating us? Many times, our emotions and thoughtforms are caused by our own lack of control, and worse still, our unwillingness to exercise due control. We think the world is coming to an end on a daily basis, we become uncaring towards others, we weep in the wee hours of the night and hate majority of other lifeforms because of our own imbalances. Yet, most of the times, our misfortunes are by no means greater than those who have perhaps, lost their homes to arson, lost their loved ones due to disasters, lost mobility because of limbs' malfunctions etc. Pray tell, then why do we let our emotions affect us more so, than those who truly suffer.

Mayhaps they are stronger. Their willpower precedes ours.  Like recently, I volunteered at a home for the disabled. Seeing these people, witnessing how they go about their lives in such nonchalant and cheerful manners...I
realized they are stronger than us in many ways. I like partaking in charity events and giving to the less fortunate - a little bit of a philanthropic - but I guess its one of the few things that can bring out the caring factor in me. On the streets, usually I am uncaring towards mortal beings. I would dote on an animal more than to care about a stranger on the streets.

white dress with checkered collar and belt 

Life has been work, work, work. I managed to squeeze some time out for dinners with longtime friends. Foie gras, seafood, steaks, sashimi. Yum yum.

A friend tried to preach about Christianity to me yesterday. We kind of got into a tiff over it, which I felt was a completely imbecile thing. I was a stout Christian sometime ago - but that was before I fully understood the religion. I am not implying there is anything wrong about being Christian - or Muslim - or Jew - or Buddhist - or Hindu etc, for that matter. I just feel, and believe that Religion is a very personal thing. All of us have our own spiritual experience, our own faith and miracles that happened to us. We connect with different teachings out there, and feel comfortable with different groups, covens, etc.

A true believer of any religion would not attempt to impose their religion upon others. Especially they understand that the other party loathes hearing about "the gospel". I love my DEITIES for a reason. It does not matter whether there is one god, or multiple gods, or no god. This is not for us to argue upon, as long you one believes their god/s exist. I am Wiccan and I am proud to be one. I have a tattoo on my back to announce it. I found that religion because its teachings are purely beautiful, embraces nature, and I have enjoyed a fair share of blessings by my Goddesses and Gods. There are many misconceptions about Wicca. Some people deem it to be "Satanic" - and this is totally wrong. Others believe we use spells to harm others, or attain what we want by force. These are complete myths too. Like all religions, there is a black and white side. Wiccan does not encourage harm or alteration by one's will by force. It is a very misunderstood religion.  I would love to share more about it in another entry, perhaps July's.

At least, I dont preach against dishonesty and yet instigate others to lie for my benefit - and still call myself a (worthy) disciple of my God.

white cool, satin dress. I hate White Mondays (company culture!)

 
Lastly, something very strange took place on Sunday. I was at work, and casually told two colleagues that they would close a huge case each (I will not mention the exact figures). Bear in mind that for this particular road show location, there had not been such large cases for a year (at least). Both of them secured their huge cases shortly after my "prophecy". Then I related this incident to another colleague, who playfully asked for prediction. I gave it to her, with the exact breakdown of her case sizes. The latter came true as well. She and I were both spooked.

I always knew I had a little clairvoyance in me.... some sort of unexplainable powers. I had dreams that came true. I passed certain tests of life in means not conventional. I have predictions that come true (dated way back). I "see" odd visions, especially when under the induction of songs.

Listen to Amethystium's and Vangelis' albums. Tell me if you dont fall in love with them....

All right, mon cheries, I am tired. Have to wake in 4 hours' time. Miss travelling overseas. See you again in the arms of Morpheus. Smooocchhesss....