Just wanted to write more this month, somehow. It is a fun month, amidst all the busy workload. I visited the Universal Studios, Bird Park, watched soccer at a nice place, shopped some, did some voluntary work, met up with some friends... and got to spend some time by myself.
Like today. Strange how I was just thinking to myself yesterday, how much I miss shopping in the afternoon. Sometimes, I wish I didnt have to work - that I could just spend my afternoons shopping, going for spa and manicures, doing Yoga etc. An appointment canceled out in the morning, leaving me with a fair bit of time to kill. I decided to spend a small portion of it fulfilling my desire, and headed to town. Hit the malls, and had lunch at a nice dining place alone. It has been quite some time since I last ate, shopped or caught a movie on my own. It was an enjoyable experience. I got to eat my favorite risotto, and today I tried the best-tasting tea I have ever tried. It was definitely a good gamble I took! Some common-sounding tea "Caramel Creme" but it tasted nothing like sweet, awful caramel. It was a delicate red tea from Africa, but the tea was richly-flavored with French spices. I loved it.
Why are some some people so reticent about hanging out alone? Oh well.. perhaps I am indepedent or have some loner's instrincts in me, but I find my own company enjoyable at times. You can be a free spirit without restraint of time, venues to pop by, or other nitty-gritty details. Though, I would adviser against spending too much time alone, forgetting about our friends.
I witnessed series of small miracles bestowed by my wonderful Deities lately. It is simply amazing. I just need to do more, to play my part as a worthy worshipper. My religion is a kind, gentle religion that brings out the best in people *supposedly*. People who do not know anything about it believe it to be evil or heretic. I have read widely about all kinds of religions before settling on This path. And I love my Deities. I also have some of my own special powers, and I would like to develop them further through Paganism. In case anyone is wondering... no, I do not use magic as a tool to benefit myself selfishly. I do not cast it so I may become more beautiful or richer; nor do I cast it to "force" another parties to do things against their will just so I gain the advantage from this transformation. We do not blaspheme against other religions or think them of ill intentions before fully understanding the true nature of this religion.
Even if we do practice spellcraft, we do not use sacrifices to fulfill a spell. We make use of the power of mind, and the vibration of energy around us to ask. The power of mind is scientifically proven, that if one's mind power is strong enough, there is very little that cannot be attained.
I also believe my Deities sent mon beau. No, I am not one of those gullible, lovestruck females who believe that their men are perfect and that everyone will be fidel to each other etc. He has done a lot for me, and tried his best to change so it may please me. He understands my religion, and even believes in its teachings.
Whatever the case is, I understand him, too. And I know he is not able to hide things from me because I dream. Because my dreams often predict a truth, or inform me what is going to happen or has happened. I am merely stressing this because lately, things seem a little shaky.
Building a relationship is not easy. One needs to find the the right partner, one whom they are attracted to, and can at least imagine themselves kissing or making love to. Of course, there are people I know who are with each other merely because of other factors such as wealth, status or fame etc. Being together, besides spending time together, having fun, one has to be there for the other. Then slowly, we start to find out what our partners like and dislike, start to meet their friends and family and colleagues, eventually.
white mock-turtleneck blouse by Forntieer, with sides lined in black; Unique!We also need to get used to everything about the other person. How they talk, how they walk, how they dress, how they sneeze, how they do not wash up before sleeping on the bed, how they throw their belongings around a room, their oddities and quirks etc. All these are no snaps of the fingers. They all require compromises and commitment to get used to.
I know people who have been together for a decade, and still seperated eventually. What was lacking? Faith? Passion? Or were there outside infliences?
These are very personal issues. I believe mon beau is not someone who would betray me - and I am saying this because I have valid reason to believe so. If anything, I think I need to change more, so the relationship will have a better balance. I dont trust easily - in fact, I do not trust at all. It took a long while for me to trust him completely, and this trust is here to stay.
Que sera sera.
blackforest cake baked for my birthday - by mon beau's eldest sis, at http://www.bakericious.blogspot.com. This cake was heavenly. 