Dear Diary
another month has decided to walk by, without turning its head or giving any warning...Yes, this is the month of the Samhain (or more often known as "Halloween"). I shall celebrate it the traditional way this year... No tricks or treats, no parties, but the way it is supposed to be celebrated.
What happened in September?
Busy meeting friends for belated birthday celebrations and catching up - there are so many of them with birthdays in August (3 of my best friends have theirs in Aug) and September, as well. As I was busy travelling in August, I had to meet them in September, hence pushing the celebrations of the September babies to October.
Then I attended the Formula 1 (F1) Night Race - engines purring of Ferraris and Porsches... whats not to love?
And there were the myraid projects I was working on. The property project is pushed back toward November, so I had to impart more knowledge. And the internet marketing is so fun - who would've known that there is so much to learn about it? SEO, article marketing platforms, traffic and lead tracking, etc. And there was the autumn equinox whereby we had my favorite luna pastries.
October will be more celebrations, mainly for the September friends. More personal projects. More diet (yes, I believe I gained weight). Creating a new identity, away from Ellouisa. It is time she leaves, like how she left
Estella behind, and how Estella in turn left Iris in the dust for Adeyline. Confusing? No, they are not alters, just different personas. We can really become who we want to be, if we try. The way you talk, the way you act, the way you act, even the way you exude different kind of energy. It's all in the mind.
Just like how my boss shared today, at the weekly meeting, about everything being in the mind, including our pains, ailments and sufferings. I have known that for a long time....
But I did not concur verbally. There is no need for me to draw attention here. They do not know my secret, neither am I ready to disclose. They wonder why I am there- overqualified, nothing like them, etc. I know; they tried to probe as well. They do not know how hard it is for me, having been my own boss and the superior of many others, even employer to my PAs, giving instructions, being strong-headed... and now I am playing it so low-key, taking orders, wishing so bad I could go back out there and fight the corporate wars again... I am not ungrateful, but I was made for bigger things, you see? Would you understand the pain, and how hard it is for me to ignore it and kill the past like it never happened?
Reading "Moll Flanders" by Daniel Defoe makes me smile in irony. Her story seem to depict mine - everytime she inherited a fortune and led a good life, it would not last. It was a repeated cycle of bliss, downfall,
despondency, and bliss, downfall, despondency all over again- that sometimes she had to resort to crimes or degrading means to get what she wanted. No 2 stories are identical of course, but if you cut some key words from my life and paste it into hers, you would find that it might have been Daniel Defoe's prophecy of my life.
What makes life so? Who decides who we should cross paths with, and the outcome? Life is so fragile, anything could shatter it easily - accidents leading to disability, markets plunging leading to bankruptcy, etc, all leading to death eventually. When a mother first brings a child into the world- how does she determine whether to spoil him / her, or to be strict and demanding? If the child should return to the otherworld before the mother, how should the mother feel -- happy that she had at least provided the child with everything he / she could have wished for, or remorse that not enough was given, that the compulsory piano lessons learned were now wasted and that the kid deserved more play time than all these inflicted stress?
What makes someone perfectly fine, with the ability to walk, see, read, talk, sing, and react want to take their own lives? What gives another person the right to put others down by demeaning or degrading them, hurting them? Can people not see that it is a miracle for someone to be able to function normally- able to walk, talk, see, react, etc without a painful malfunction? Can't everyone learn to respect the beauty of such complexity?
I do not know who my new character will be yet, at least not completely. But I have started with the dressing - instead of all dark-colored dresses, the colors have to come in; white has to shed some light.
Began learning my French properly and finally. Happy.
Till the next time - with a boatload of kisses and ramblings meant for the intellectuals..... smooches, darlings.
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