Dear Diary,
November is here, but why does it behave like December, with its rainfalls and chilly temperatures?
Hurricane Sandy has taken over a piece of the American pie... My heart goes out to the lives lost and homes destroyed. The US of A definitely seems to be facing a fair share of crises recently- Hurricane Katherina which took New Orleans by storm, and the debt deficit etc.
As for me, I have been busy with my day-job, projects and writing. Need to keep busy so my mind doesn't wander, and so I feel life is meaningful, after all.
Rest assured that the dinners and drinks with much treasured friends are still in place, and ongoing, though.
Helped plan my firm's trip this year. I think I did a great job despite the Managing Director's last minute changes and all. Flights and hotels all in. I was reticent to go initially- in fact I was adamant - because of the companionship, selected destination and because the trip is taking place in December (my busiest month of the year). Then suddenly, one of the best friends texted to say she was there for a month, having hailed from halfway across the world. I was sold immediately- what's better than being to fly with the company and yet get to hang out with the Bestie?
The other day, I was just taking a stroll to clear my mind. Then, suddenly it occurred to me that ...the world is so vast..it makes searching for someone difficult. We could walk for days on end, amongst open, large spaces, and yet not finding who we set out to find, makes one feel constricted and hard to breathe. Its a scary feeling. Have you ever experienced that?
I just realize that beauty and sensuality is not how one looks alone. Beauty and sensuality is how one actually feels, and by feeling it, we exude what we feel and others are influenced by the energy that we exude. it makes such a great difference, to simply change the mindset. If you believe you are beautiful, and behave as though you are it, then you somehow become it. Its strange, but it works.
Mindset. Speaking of that, I realize that I'm still trying to find myself after all these years. I don't know who I am exactly, or what I am. I imitate people alot- pick up certain traits and mannerisms here and there, behave like different characters that I come across, and allow the allure of different cultures to infiltrate into me and create who I am- simply a hybrid of everything. Like, if I see a good-looking gentleman and I like the way he behaves, I steal a little of his cold smoothness and adapt it to my own; then I see the arrogance of a lovely actress, and I learn the ways of being so, as well. In the end, I become this creation of different accents, mannerisms and thoughts, I never learn who I was born to be, really.
Christmas is coming, I can feel it when I walk along the festively decorated streets. I can feel it when I think of the dinner parties I am planning. I can feel it in the cold winds that caress my skin lately. I never stop getting excited about Christmas, it is inevitable. I had thought I was the only one, until my one of my clients - who is an elegant socialite in her 40s - told me she was excited about Christmas as well. I guess it is one of those periods that makes one happier, more forgiving, feel warmer towards all those close to them, while we try to ignore the passing of another year.....
kisses,
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