Dear Diary,
I hated November because it was an evil November.
December was supposed to be my favourite time of all the years…because of Christmas and all the festivities, gifts, shopping, vacation, dinners and parties etc. This year, I have no desire to even think of celebration.
I wrote a short memorial for mon pere, but am unsure if he will ever see it. If he had an epitaph, i would engrave this onto it.
“Why did you have to let the cold November rain sweep you along- why do you not stay another Winter, another November, another stage of my life? Now, the air feels colder, the nights seem longer, and the house seems larger - yet your footfalls seem further. In my mind you remain, in my dreams you haunt, in our lives you stay, in our hearts you are loved. And this immortalizes you, in the World you now roam...”
I have also learned that, sometimes, hatred is a punishment unto oneself. For the first time in my life, I understand what regret means.
Does his death alter my love for darkness and death? No. If anything, it fascinates me more. It makes me wonder where one goes after the soul leaves the flesh, it makes me wonder if there is another life / lifetime after this. It makes me more curious, and hopeful that the ending of this life does not equate to the ending of everything. It makes the morbid subjects more real now, somehow.
All in all, I am very thankful for the support from close relatives and good friends - so many of them.
Gloomy subjects aside, I went for a short trip just two hours' flight away from here. It is a lovely city where there were many factory outlets for shopping, good soothing massage and I got to see the volcanoes (even went up to the crater of one). It was a good way to take away some of the depression, and I'd brought the mom along. This year it seems, that after every major, drastic crisis I have taken an overseas to overcome each one - May, August and December.
Christmas has lost its allure this year. I may regain my love and excitement for it someday again, but for now, I believe it is appropriate to mourn first.
Will 21st December 2012 mark the end of the world? It is less than two weeks away. I have no special feelings towards it whatsoever. Many prophets and believers are preparing for it, but I wonder why they bother to store up food and supplies since they won't be needing these when the world ends anyway. There are also many scientists and the commoners who do not believe in this prediction as well - since over the centuries, there had been myraid accounts of such predictions that never came true. I believe that even if it is true, the authorities or religious leaders would not alarm people because then the world would be chaotic - if everyone believes that they are all going to die soon, who would still bother to work or be law-abiding? Everyone would simply withdraw all their monies for trips, leave their jobs, rob a bank etc.
Anyway, if you fail to see another post here by end of the year, marking the beginning of a brand new year, then probably the world should have ended.
Have a good Yuletide celebration, the rest of you out there.
