December and the end of 2009

Dear Diary

I thought that after November's hectic schedule, December 2009 would enter my life as a blessing. I was so wrong. Besides the busy work schedule, my nights have been spent catching up with friends, catching up on my designs and writings. Catching up on my religion, and preparations for Christmas, which, in my case, would be Winter Solstices.

It is 3 o'clock in the morning now, but I am very awake. I dont know why - just earlier on I was dozing off... and now I am trembling with the grip of coldness... my mind a blank. I did something at work today, something I have never done, and it was embarrassing.... at least not since my summer vacation job... just that once.

So I am listening to my usual (melancholic) playlists now and writing this entry, not sure of where to begin. I am depressed, I would believe. Despite an Italian dinner and some great shopping with *Charliez earlier on. I got myself a couple of dresses... one of which is totally not my style. I am busy making reservations for the various dinner gatherings this month... in the dead of night. Except I feel that the night is younger than I. It seems alive, and I cannot sleep. My nerves are fried, but my eyes refuse to close. I feel I could stay up the entire night, just doing nothing, lamenting upon life and feeling miserable.



Yet the reason is unknown... at least, it is denied. I want to believe so much I could get out of it, this dark pit, and see light at the end of the tunnel eventually... but something I can't breathe in this darkness right now. I fear I might be regressing. Yes, I am going to come out of the closet and admit that I have depression. Hell, I had very serious depression. But I would never go to a doctor. I know me. I am almost a MPD-er. Once at the doc's, I know I would be myself again, and there is no way he would diagnose me with anything. I was a Psychology student... I know what I am. Depression is like an allergy, like a part of us... like a cancer that has been controlled. But it doesnt go away. It would never ever go away. The only way we can prevent it from surfacing is to keep ourselves balanced, either by medicinal aid or exercises, a healthy lifestyle.

But now, all I can feel is coldness - both inside and out. A million thoughts are racing through my mind, creating a cacophony I could probably record an entire album on. Thoughts of the past flash by like thunderbolts, thoughts of things not concerning me are stifling me as well. Yet, despite this flurry of activities in my mind, my body is sufficiently subdued. I need rest, but I am afraid to climb to my bed and lay down amongst dreams that may haunt.

Let me out. Let me talk about something else for distraction.



December is coming to a close. It is time for new resolutions and a new life ahead. I look back upon 2009 and count my blessings.

I look forward to Christmas and the celebrations, the catching up with those people I truly treasure, the short trip with mon beau (and maybe *Charliez and beau). Though, it saddens me that these days, Christmas, or rather Winter Solstices is viewed as a day for joy, fun and partying. What about the age-old traditional methods of celebrating Christmas? Looking out for the first star, savoring in the magic and enchantment Christmas is supposed to bring about?

Oh well, what does it matter? It is just another day, another 24 hours passing through the labyrinth of time.

And I am still wide awake, debating if I should take my Tarot deck out for company...

Trailing after November rain

Title: Trailing after November Rain

Dear Diary

I am very glad that today is over. It is also due to today that I have again, delayed my entry for last month. November's rain has come and went by, and for this month, perhaps the December Flakes will grace .... this place.  Thanksgiving has passed me by and I wasnt even aware of that till my friends started wishing me a happy thanksgiving.

The past month was pretty scary. While I was trying to close cases for work in the daytime, I returned home late not to sleep. I would power up the laptop and the moment the Windows Startup tune came on, I would feel a sense of dread and wonder if I would even get to catch a wink or two for the night. It was literally like that the entire month - work, night classes; work, rushing of assignments; or work, studying for the final exams.

I do not think I have seen the inside of the malls for a month, except for the purpose of running road shows.

But I chose the path and it is this path I walk.

There are still lots of things to learn and I am very stressed out because back at the last department (albeit in the same company), I was one of the better performers and even as  newcomer, I came in strong. Now, though, I feel stressed out and I fear I am unable to perform. The products are different, but I have superb coaches. It is going to be a month soon, and I have only done 4 cases. I need to buck up now that my exams are over.

And I am very excited for two reasons too. Make that three. Now that I have completed my night studies, I am able to start my Christmas shopping. I am going to reiterate again that I so do love shopping for gifts for other people, especially when you hit jackpot and get them something they love. The look on their faces is just precious, invaluable.

I can also start to do major catching up with friends whom I have neglected during this busy period. That, I cannot wait... and I am sorry to keep you guys waiting, homies. I missed nearly 2 entire months of Yoga as well.

Finally, I can devote time to work on my religion and live a life that justifies The One I worship. Ironically, the movie "Facing the Giants" was what gave me this insight and I cannot wait to get started. Not to mention I can work on my stories and designs - talents I have set aside and are probably turning rusty.

That is it for now. Stay tuned for December's updates.

Love, light and hugs......

 

 

Red October

Title: Red October

Dear Diary

I wrote most of this entry in mid-October, but only managed to post it today - Halloween......rendering it the last day of the month again.,

It is very early in the morning, and it is a Saturday morning. I am already up and sitting by the laptop typing away, battling a throbbing headache due to three hours of sleep from the night before. I was up late for the past few nights as well, working on the same academic assignment, but night after night, I was starting at the screen, my mind unable to process or produce anything. Last night inspirations finally gushed at me and I could not stop the flow. I would have gone on writing, if not for the fact that it was four in the morning and I had to be up at seven for my journalist's duties. Yes, again, I reiterate- on a Saturday morning.

I left a semi-hellhole only to fall into another similar trap. In fact, I thought the latter was slightly worse off. It didnt surprise me that during working hours I was browsing jobs sites and going for interviews shortly. I did not know what I was doing - but I ended up accepting offers to three different jobs.

The first offers financial and time freedom, and I would get to exercise creativity and great carte blanche in my job.

The second goes along the same line, but it deals more with land banking rather than financial products.

Ok, I did not mention the position in a local bank and advertisement sales executive. I rejected them because I did not want to pile myself with too many choices. This shows that either the economy is picking up steadily or that getting a job in the sales (especially financial sales) industries is not at all tough despite difficult times.

So, last night I went for an interview half-heartedly. I went more out of courtesy and curiosity... and it turned out to be my favorite financial company with a very enticing pay package. I had a long chat with my boss-to-be, and then met the guys at the road show... and I decided that this would be my destiny. The harder things to do now would be to call the other employers and tell them how much I regret having to pass on their offers.

I am already looking forward to starting work at the new company. I thank my Deities for that.

There hasnt been much time for shopping or dinners. I think I can count my social activities on fingers on one hand this month. I have been enduring a sexist, micro-managed office and academic assignments.

Christmas started early this year. I am already hearing strains of Christmas carols and noticing Christmas decorations sold at malls. In fact, I noticed this phenomenon as early as early October, but plain refuse to believe it till now. I love Christmases for some strange reason. Nope I am not a Christian - at least not anymore, but since young I was always mystified by strange tales of associated with this festival and the magic told of, the celebration and the beauty of the decorations.

I wanted to write more...on losing myself in songs... on odd feelings stirred.... on many things...but for now, alas, my mind is a blank. I might edit this entry when inspirations come return.....

 

 

September Sun

Title: September Sun

The month is coming to a close, like heavy maroon drapes coming together to join after a stage play. I watch the tiny drops of rain falling off emerald green leaves and slowly sip my ’92 Cabernet Merlot in silence… with Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No. 1 in C major…. Playing away softly in the background.

 

I am counting down to my last day at the office. There have been sweet colleagues who treated me lunches as appreciation of being their colleague. In turn I rack my brains on what to get them as a farewell treat from me. I don’t hate this place. If anything, I love this place… for some weird reasons I cannot fathom. I do not know how the new job will pan out, but I am excited. I even had a dream about it- though not as strong as what I had for my current job, but it was not unpleasant. On the plus side, I have an ex-colleague who would be undergoing this new adventure with me, and at my new work district, I have many friends I know who are also fighting their corporate warfare around the vicinity.

 

I cannot wait for my evening classes to complete swiftly as I have a ton of other things to move on to – my fashion designs portfolio, my novels, my religion, my French classes, and possibly, even the re-pursuit of my Psychology classes. Right on the agenda, are plans to practice hard at Yoga (hot, usually) and shed those extra pounds I have gained from all those rich foods – German, Chinese, French, you-name-it.

 

Sometimes, people simply bring me amusement. Before they attempt accusations for another’s misdeeds, have they ever probed their own minds and reflected upon eviler deeds they have cast unto the to-be-accused? I should not think so … but shall continue to hold my white flag high and watch the prophecy of my own words.

 

I wish I were overseas now.I wish I were in Hong Kong for a long time, absorbing the culture, the air, the beautiful scenic nights case by the highrise buildings’ lights…. I mean, everyone bases their fantasies on romantic, timeless cities like Paris, Athens, or California. So do I. In fact, many of my novels are based in settings aforementioned. You could sense the influence in the clothes I design, the stanzas of poetry my ink managed to form, or sometimes, even in my peculiar set of accents. But if you dig for roots, and an area closer, more practical, it was Hong Kong that took my breath away. I admired the glamorous and aloof actors and actresses, the danger, even the olden, narrow lanes one knew could surely suffer the strains of modernity. I love the food, the shopping, the magnificent mountains and the cop shows. I speak the language, so being there, is natural…

 

I may be updating soon…. When I have settled into the new job. That would be two entries for September. An achievement. That is provided, if I am not too busy with John Grisham’s “The Partner”, or Carlos Ruiz’s “Shadow of the Wind” or Sophie Kinsella’s “Remember Me?”…..Allow me to depart from this page with some meaningful words from Marilyn Monroe…. “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”…

 

 

August in one breath

Title: August in One Breath


Dear Diary

I was doing up a new blogskin but it turned out less than ideal - it was late - oneish in the morning therefore I decided to make do until I spot something better.

The turnout of events have been more or lees mundane.... dinners, drinks, movies, Yoga, shopping and etc.... this month there were more socializing activities since it is my month-long break from evening classes. I am kind of addicted to these risotti and paella dishes these days....you can guess where I have been dining of late! So many of my close friends' birthdays fall within this month. I love Leos and Virgoes.

Work .... I realize I shall not discuss it too much here. It would be tiresome for those who do not know the inner workings, and too much information for those who are within the organization. I have been selected to be part of the Recreational Club. Hmmm.....




On other  nights free, I have been able to fine-tune on my fashion projects - though to my utter regrets I did not get to do much writing. 

Disturbing things have been happening - I need to walk out of this circle so I can get the peace that I need- inner and outer. A lot of our ailments and troubles are often psychological and self-induced. More often than not, they topple our sense of balance and we start imagining illnesses like itchiness, physical pains and emotional burdens etc. We need to develop a sense of well-being to be healthy in totality...  I need to mediate more. Need to exercise more. All that French and Italian food are starting to show on me again.



A lot of natural disasters have been occurring around the world of late. Do you believe they are linked to misdeeds of the people or country itself? Do you believe that Mother Nature does paybacks too, as well? I would retaliate too, if I were Her.



Like how every human who inflicts pain and causes harm to another deliberately, should be dealt with equally.

I know.... I am vindictive... but don't religious teachings preach the doctrine of "helping those who help themselves first" as well?



I miss the days of technology-free lives so dearly. The days of pen-pal letters exchange, the days of enjoying entertainment outside of the phone, TV or internet. You know, gathering together under the stars to talk and drink? Shopping should not be part of virtual reality.  I have an article all about the loathings of modern technology...oh well. We have come this far it would not be possible to turn back time to a technology-free zone.



Friends... they come and they go. Only a handful stays throughout our lives... But the important thing is, we should never stop making new ones. There is a thing called Fate that slowly brings people together.... destinies written in the stars long ago. Star-crossed friends. Beware the enemies though..... .... ....



Do we truly know how we look like in life? I do not know.. like a friend, *Charmaine once mentioned, that the face we see in our mirrors always seem to differ from the us in photographs. I told her it might be the lighting or angle... but it is not untrue.  More often than not, the way we view ourselves tend to differ from how others view us. Even physically...   Perhaps that is why some people can have odd eyes, swollen face and clefts on cheeks and still think they look beautiful. And vice versa.   Often, the idea of beauty varies from individual to individual as well... Those who enjoy sweet, soft beauty would go for women with round faces, soft, pale features and gentleness. Those who enjoy dark, sensuous beauty would go for women with defined bone structure, colder dispositions and deeper connection. Those who enjoy atheletic beauty would go for au-natural clothes, makeup, fuss-free appearances and simplicity.

I think I talked too much in this entry. It is time to retreat to deeper, calmer waters for relaxation. I shall see you again on the next full moon. Till then.

Au revoir

Trailing after July

Title: Trailing after July

Dear Diary

The trend of me writing about July after feeling August's hot breath upon my face ....still precedes.  I just cannot seem to write about the events of a month within this month itself. I seem to be trailing after memories all the time....  I guess this might be due to the fact that I am still updating my hardcopy diary - i..e. the quill and parchment variety - more diligently.

July was busy. Work has taken a turn for the worse - the gap between my pay and my workload is stretching further and further apart. Were it not for the fact that my Deities were the Ones approving of this job in the first place- the "diving under currents during a financial tsunami" theory, and the fact that I am awaiting graduation.... I would have went back to an industry that churns better payouts. While this is a rich learning ground, it is tiring attending masquerade parties on a daily basis.

I have one more trimester left till graduation. Just in time for Christmas.

Despite the busy workload and studies/exams, I have managed to squeeze in time for meeting up with *Priscillia, a short, fun beach trip with friends, shopping trips with colleagues and *Charmaine (the latter was our memorable visit to the huge new mall that turned out disappointing) and a mild Bachelorette dinner for a lovely "Queen" Latifah. It is always good catching up. There are more to come.

I do not understand why - someone can tell you he loves you over and over, but the one thing he knows you are perpetually upset by - he would not eliminate. He would watch me endure those long journeys, watch me get upset by utter humiliation, watch us fight over this same issue time and again. And now even my younger brother is going to get what on beau is supposed to have gotten three years ago - and mon beau is still searching. It is one thing to be lazy and un-resourceful. It is another thing when, someone provides all the resources to facilitate smooth purchases, but the purchaser is still passive. One day, these small disappointments shall accumulate and turn into hatred. I dont know how much more I can endure, on this issue that makes me feel so .....cheated.

And then perhaps, he would understand why I dont want to be friends should we break up because of this issue.

Lately, I am hooked to "The Poe Shadow" by Matthew Pearl. I love the Poe mystery, and the elegant, gentlemanly self-narrative tone of the lead character.  I also love Vangelis' album.

Yesterday, it was the first time I discovered I could surf the net from my mobile phone. Out of boredom, I hit on the Google button on  my LG phone. To my amazement, it connected me to a browser, and I could even blog from there. It was tempting, but I did not succumb.

 

 

June came Home

Title: June came home

Dear Diary

pray tell, what kind of a writer misses her monthly deadline and needs her faithful readers to remind her to write?

I think you have are looking at the accused in the face. *Guilty as charged*

I cannot even think what I am busy with. Forex trading? Articles for magazines? Work? Night class and its barrage of assisgnments? Moonlight property agent-ing? Working on my novel? Reading one of the many books I bought? Yoga? Consorting with the ......?

Maybe all of the above. Maybe none. But there sure was a social animal lurking about somewhere out there. Dinners with doctors, lawyers, the usual friends.... surprisingly I kept shopping to a minimum. Then there is the month-end short beach trip that I am psyched up for. Think Javanese massages. Think reading a good novel by the beach. Think worry-free hours, staring at the clear cyan waters.

Life is a funny subject sometimes. You get people going fanatic about it, about how important it is to live out every single second and minute as though this were their last moments.... filling it with events, dates, whatnot. You get people working till their last breaths and not knowing where that pretty lump of cash sitting in their banks went to....  and you get people hating every second of life, eventually ending it or enduring it (should they be too cowardly to end it themselves.

To my utter disappointment, the H1N1 influenza took far too few lives. Call me a sadist, but I believe that pandemic, epidermic, natural catastrophies are here to help reduce population without mankind taking the blame for such a necessary extermination. I am not an Earth fanatic - in fact, I do feel for mankind, sometimes - but the causation of Mother Earth's insufferable life is but the greatest sin of all.

And such a responsibility is only fair for mankind to bear, since they take all of Earth's pleasures, giving little in return.

In this entry, I amaze myself by sounding so cold-blooded.

But I guess, I was never warm to begin with...

Cheerios, mon cheries. Till I next return.... for July's entry.   Just a belated Happy July 4th to all of you sweetpies out there.

And aye, the Man in the Mirror gone too soon. What a waste of talent.

 

May's Comeback

Title: May's Comeback

Dear Diary

I thought the title befits this post since May has indeed returned. At least on this entry. After April's entry, I had not managed to find time for May's. Therefore, this shall be a makeup blog for the month of May.

Lots of things happened, besides shopping, which I love. But at the same time, another factor seems to be sobering me against all these.. frivolous acts... oh no, not the financial determent. More like an awakening of a dream that I thought had been left to die.

With every birth, there comes a death. Such is the way of natural life. I shall not elaborate further. We should move on.

The overseas trip was nice, a tad too leisurely, though. I got to meet up with relatives, ate some good food, explored some new places, spent quality time with mon beau, and did some shopping. When I came back, I was home-quarantined (they put it in a nicer way though "working from home") for three days. That was before my own country even had any confirmed H1N1 case. You see healthcare personnel donned in space-suit garb and corporate clients taking overly-preventive measures. The office lines ring nonstop with inquiries about this pandemic flu; it was not hard to imagine how a stock broker feels in his job. Though, the difference in salaries may well be vast as an ocean.

A weird series of gastro pains finally made me feel alarmed enough to consult a doctor for it, but not enough to seek a specialist. Spasms of pain fillng the area below the chest. Sometimes it feels like the internal organs have detached from the body walls or there is a giant growth in there. I don't know. If I were wiser, I may very well consult a specialist on this. But I lack the courage to do it; I cannot even bring myself to go for an abdominal ultrasound. I am not afraid of death; its the treatment that frightens me. If I am meant to contract some weird bodily dysfunction, then may it be the Will of my Destiny. Though, it seems I am recovering slowly.

I have been out with professionals and famous people. The kind that you expect would behave in line with the stereo-typed, Hollywood-portrayed images. But hell, no. Some of them are far from gentlemanly... though, sometimes the question of "gentlemanly" leaves much to be debated upon. Women these days fight the equality in many ways; therefore men should have the right to denounce "gentlenmanly-ness" based on social status, career and age now, do they not? I guess, regardless of how wealthy or intelligent one is - be it doctors, lawyers, bankers, models or Warren Buffett wannabes, they ae still flesh and blood.

I do not find them impressive. I may respect them, but I do not need to do anything special to buy their hearts or start falling on my knees on some form of hero worship. I do not understand why many of us out there are so easily impressed or intimidated. The only form of hero worship I would ever do ... would most possibly to my own faith, in my Deities.

There goes another entry. Its amazing how an awakened wave of pain can be the push factor for forgetten dreams that should rise like phoenixes from the ashes. But yet, this has act like a sobering factor like I mentioned above.. and now I see clearer my regrets making paths for a sharper future. Stay with me, mom cheries.

black dress with pleat-neckine and ruffled hem

black satin dress with laced pattern and white detachable collar

black dress with "basket-weave" pattern

black diamond-shaped leathery dress

black knit dress with white patterns

black dress with rumpled lines and wide sleeves

gold satin dress

black and white wool bolero jacket

brown gingham bolero jacket

gray bolero jacket

black PVC tote with gold chain details

deep brown tote with buckle

Guess monogrammed tote

a full circle in April

Title: The Full Circle in April

Dear Diary,

This has been the most busy of months... I had almost forgotten to pen in an entry before the month is over.

It is my month so I had a lot of sweet gifts ranging from perfumes to books to cosmetics and from mon beau, a holiday trip. There were also many social gatherings being squeezed into my calendar admist the hectic of work, the mad rush of assignment deadlines and preparations for my examinations. The latter two were killers in their own rights but I escaped the bullets.

I was looking through some old diaries a while back and the memories all rushed at me like tears to the floodgates. Suddenly I was filled with thoughts of people I had chucked in the back of my mind; memories made these people come alive and I felt like I was being pulled back into those days that money could not buy back. Friends I used to treasure and hung out with very frequently. Men who pursued and were pursued by me. Places that I used to hang out at and enjoyed at some point in my life. Sometimes you wish you could have them back, that you could freeze all these moments in time and not let them slip away. But alas, like the sands of time they gently and gradually go away....

A famous Solvil et Titus slogan went like "I don't care about eternity, I care that I had it once" by the late and famous Mike Chu. I guess good memories should be remembered fondly like that.

Lately I have also been watching many movies set in very ancient times - Lords of the Ring, Merchant of Venice, First Knight etc. There is much allure in life back then - the vast, scenic lands, the simplicity of life back then, the beauty of its cultures and customs. No doubt they did not have technology back then to facilitate life the way we do these days, it fazes me not as I do not care about technology. I love archaic English, history and the mysticism of life. There were wars, but they had real moments of peace too. Earth was not overpopulated; it was neither overpopulated nor depleted / polluted. Even having to endure shorter lifespans would be a good price to pay for such an ancient, beautiful way of life. Even death was a simple, sacred affair.

Unlike today. Advancement of lives has eroded the boundaries of cultures and customs. Ease of technology reduces creativity and proper personal defense (ie. swordsmanship). People have become harder to trust and Earth is suffering.

Like right now, before I turned the air-conditioning on, the entire place felt like a furnace. All I wanted to do was to dance in the first bout of rain or the bathtub.

Speaking of bathtubs, I saw the most unbelievably gorgeous one the other day. It lays on a platform surrounded by a tiny moat, and the back wall is like a waterfall with water running down gently. I have a feeling this would be expensive to purchase and bothersome to maintain.

As for now, I am looking forward to my trip in May. Nothing to think about except eating and shopping. Mon beau is out of town these few days and I have programs lined up with the old girls.

I shall end my fiften minutes of fame right here. Do come back in May. Vous êtes toujours sur mon esprit. au revoir avec l'amour.

end of the march

Title: If dreams are the reflections of our thoughts

Dear Diary,

While some of us are suffering the effect of humidity in the air, there are some who are probably busy clearing the paths of snow to make way for Spring's blooms. I for one have marched to the end of this month... well, nearly, and well, not to condone chick-lit, but I actually feel like Rebecca Bloomwood of "Confessions of a Shopaholic" by Sophie Kinsella, now a movie showing in most theaters.


Soon I would be approaching another step up the age ladder. *Priscillia was the first to get me this year's gifts, comprising of a book I coveted, along with a High Society album that contained "La Gata" and "Memory". Brilliant! Mon beau would be bringing me for a vacation in celebration and maybe, just maybe, the SK II Miracle Water as well. Somehow, the notion of ascending the age ladder no longer seems to be reason for celebration....youth is not everlasting, and once a certain (age) threshold is crossed, the rest of the years seem to accelerate until the golden stage.


black slim fit dress with fitted-in belt and mock turtleneck


Lately I appear to have lesser and lesser tolerance for people. Such as people who are silly enough to tell lies and leave tracks around, such as people who do not know how to be more tactful in things they do or say, such as expectations not being met. I have high regards - and also high demands of people - but my training in Psychology should have served me better. I used to feel so much for people, used to empathize with them, try to understand their feelings, actions and thoughts. Lately, I have zilch tolerance for most of what people do, I become more sarcastic and uncaring, and I become more plastic to others. My own facets can form a jigsaw puzzle, I feel.


Dark brown dress with matching belt and stitched-on flowery-design

I wish certain dreams wouldn't come true literally. I believe that dreams sometimes bring to us part of what our subconsciousness is aware of, dreams sometimes brings us mysterious messages of what life entails.... and in my entire lifetime I have handfuls of dreams that have come true, or at least predicted part of my reality to come. Or reality to come, in general. They used to be most accurate after some of my Tarot-divination sessions. Lately, a bad dream had to come true. It did not happen to me, but nonetheless, it was an awful thing to have occurred. I feel almost guilty for that dream alone. Some say, dreams are reflections of thoughts, but my dreams are always most peculiar, unexpected and most times, even haunting. So what say you to the disparity to that?



A pair of elegant, sexy lacey strappy pumps that I did not get to purchase in time, but I covet it so.


My schedule has not improved much. The final exams and assignments-deadlines are all congregating on a marked spot on my calendar. While I am rushing to finish them off, well-wishing friends and dear ones are trying to arrange for meetups to celebrate my hatchday (upcoming). The weather lately has caused illness to befall me for a mere while as well, but in the course of it I closed a business deal. How neat is that? Though I havent even the time to be a good citizen and file my tax returns yet. Right now, I am looking forward to the upcoming break from my evening classes - an entire month of catching up with friends, some fun to be had, relaxing, working on my Book of Shadows and Dreams, reading, writing.... even getting started on my designing project! Oops, there there, I have conveniently missed out on housekeeping...

Don't forget to check back in April for the next entry.... Happy Easter to those who loves the bunnies and chocolate eggs!

vous voir dans mes rêves. Adieu!

Storia D'amour

Title: Storia D'amour

Dear Diary,

February is coming to a close, it seems, therefore i decided to add in a blog entry before the month is over. if not, it would defeat the purpose of my "one post a month" blogging style.

But this month, alas, it has been one sardines-packed day after another. I still am trying to find time to squeeze in another two commitments - one being a clothes-line project and another.. a social project.  Twenty-four hours a day makes it gaining a paltry value..... more, please.

I did not even have time for my writings and my night class assignment. There were festivities, detainee visits, dinner and drinks with friends like *Catherine and *Priscillia, visits to the hospitals (not the one I am working at), a little shopping, and visitsing relatives.  On top of work and night class...  and a little time for devotion to mon beau and my religion.. this is crazy, baby, crazy.  Work might get worse with the takeover of high-net value portfolio and a new directing staff (would he run the team Hilter-style?)

So much I want to write, but so little time. Blogging from work takes the fun out of thoughts organizing- I might try to do a better job next month. Stay tuned, lovies.

Below are a couple of Valentine's Day stuffs from mon beau, and a dress... Oh , there is a black one I didnt get to post. But you'd see if often enough in my Facebook cos I wore it rather aplenty.  May be travelling again in May.

bouquet of champagne roses....

Elizabeth Arden's "Provocative Women" perfume

my first ever cream-colored dress.

 

 

Title: The Turns of the Centuries

Dear Diary

welcome into a brand new month of 2009. This short journey of 25 days till date has not been a bed of roses, but I shall not elaborate. All I shall highlight on is that I have came to understand the values of taking guardianship over someone; and I may have to bear some guilt over what I did to another one. Time shall unravel more.

There have also been lots of preparations for the upcoming festivities. It comes around the same time every year, but keep guessing. And no, it's not Mardi Gras- I would love to collect beads were it Mardi Gras. There were clothes to shop for, but not costumes and feather masks; there might be music throughout, but there would not be dancing in the streets. There would be food, but I welcome the break more than anything else. For the same reasons, I have not been home much lately.

I can finally take some days to stay in, avoid the crowd, and just write. Nothing keeps me more happy than having undulated hours to myself, lost in my tales, researching on facts at the same time to support my tales, and create what might be read by others someday. I have another project I want to work on but currently, with my evening classes commencing soon, I have to put the latter project on hold. I hope I will be strong enough to fulfill my desires, all in the good name of Art.

There is a certain problem with me, I suppose, that has recently been highlighted by friends.....and that is the inability to recognize myself the way others view me. And by that I do not mean to view my character or how I carry myself, but mere physical outlook. For some reason, my mirrors keep telling me that my face is round and that my eyes are getting smaller. it is the same with color tones - I can never see the darkness of my makeup regardless of the brightness of my surroundings. I love the dark eyeshadow plus red lips look. I have recently been told that my face is sharp/heart-shaped and I have huge eyes.  Leaving me in a confused state, but solutions seem to be blurred.

it is just the same case of how I always tend to perceive myself as "rounded" but I am being told I am slim by many.  To play safe, I am still sticking to my hopefully-meagre diet and nightly exercise/yoga practices. I am not anorexic - at least I still enjoy the finer food in life - but lately I picked up a new term that I deem rather befitting of my state - Nearlyrexic. Yes. Ponder on that.

Below are dresses I intend to wear for the festivities and some new reads.  One of the dresses was obtained last month but I never found occasion to wear it - a white dress with black and blue prints and clear crystal buttons; the other dress is a violet-and-black gingham dress with a slanted, ruffled hemline.