January 2011, Hail

Dear Diary

henceforth marks the very first entry for 2011.   I do not know how it would pan out, but I hope that all would be better than 2010.

Through various religions masters - or practitioners - I have learned much about the direct or indirect thoughtforms and actions that affect our lives in certain manners. I hope to put my newfound knowledge to good use and seeing more positive returns.

The festive mood needs to pass. I need to start working - and hard. The trophy I just received during the recent incentive trip might be a good motivator to reach higher mountains. Yes, I just returned from overseas; still dazed by the beauty and grandeurs of the place, and still feeling the cold against my skin..... I wish I could have a longer vacation.

5 dresses to kick start the New Year - two of which are gifts.


black Mango knit dress with half-sleeves. Gift by *Charliez. My new traveling dress.
 
  pink and gray tube dress

  black ruffled dress

  psychedelic patterned dress

black and coral red dress that looks like a vested suit

black ruffled mock-bandaged Chiffon dress with silver studs

red deep-v neck short dress with roles of black sequined studs
 
 

I am going to publish a mini "About Me" section and reviewing it next year to see if anything differs.

Name: E
Gender: female
Star sign: Aries
Religion: Paganism
Occupation: Financial Services
Educational background: Mass Comm. Psychology. Law.
Hobbies: reading, writing, singing, yoga, bowling, movies, shopping, chilling out etc
Favorite authors: depending on genre. Usually true crimes, religions, mysteries and poetry. And Oscar Wilde
Favorite singers: depending on genre again. New Age - Enya, Sarah Brightman, Secret Garden, Vangelis, ERA and Gregorian.  Others - Alanis Morisette, Def Leppard, Scorpions, Marc Anthony etc
Favorite actors: Paul Bettany. Marilyn Monroe.
Favorite food: French, Italian, desserts and my mother's cooking
Favorite Fruits: berries and peaches
Favorite drinks: red wine, gin tonic, daiquiri, chocolate
Favorite animals: polar bears, dolphins and cats
Favorite color: Black and silver
Favorite flower: black or champagne roses. Tulips.
If there was one person you could connect with totally? Marilyn Monroe. Or Oscar Wilde.
If there was one thing you could do everyday and still love it? Escapism. Or arts.
Things you cannot stand? People who Do not keep promises. Unhygienic people. Unjustice. Cruelty to animals.
You believe that... everyone has 2 sides to them. Learn to see both. Also, Karma exists.
Regrets? Many.
Personality? versatile; multi-faceted
and the list goes on...

FInal Entry for 2010 (belated)

Dear Diary

It is time for one of those long, sensational and sentimental final entries of the year. Only this came three days late.

It is also time to re-read the journal entries made for the year, burn the calendars and memories if 2010 was bad, or offer thanks if 2010 had been a blessing. The usual boring script goes..."Yes, I think 2010 was all right, with its ups and downs. I hope 2011 would be a better year, though."



 


I would like to do it just a little differently, this year. Looking back, 2010 indeed had its peaks and troughs for me, but I have also experienced some miracles by my beloved Deities, whom I will continue to invite to bless my life in 2011. There were victories on the job, new friends gained, deeper pockets dug, spiritual growth, a visit from my best pal in the world Feith, and a little flirtation with testing the limits of my relationship. I have grown calmer, and I would think , alot kinder - in the face of adversaries. Oh, my lucky foes.









There was little travelling done. Except for those trips taken nearby my current city - usually 3 days, 2 nights' affairs. There will be more trips come 2011, but most of the "where" still remains an enigma. For the most part of 2010, I have been rather "touristy" in my own land, visiting places of attraction - well, on a brighter note there were indeed two newly established, visit-worthy locations that were born in 2010 itself.  I have also stumbled upon 2 products - Lancome's Genefique (youth activator) and SKIN DOCTORs' antarctilyne plump - which managed to improve my skin much effectively than my pricey (think, ten times the price of the above 2 products mentioned) beauty parlor treatment packages. And also, the wonderful discovery of some mineral Make-up primer (brand: Bellapierre) that gives my skin the smooth after-moisturizer feel texture that I have always wanted. Ok, blessings, blessings.

The downside of 2010?

I could have handled some cases better - hence I regard them as expensive lessons learnt. I did not have time to meet up with many beloved friends as I would have wanted to. With deeper pockets came larger expenses and operating costs. My health was not as stellar as it has always been - my eyes, the flu, even a case of breathlessness while in the car (and this was cause for concern). I also gained weight. And there is that massive mess that I have yet to shake off.

Overall, though, I would think the scales were tipped in my favor.







HATRED. This is a part of me I am slowly dissolving, learning to give more love to everyone around me. There were so much I hated and begrudged, and with hatred came the great desire to inflict great harm. Plotting revenge was, for a period of unhealthy years, a favorite game of mine to play, to watch the enemy suffer, to cause them pain and bask in that moment of glory.  It was even easy, to instantly come up with plots should my path be crossed unpleasantly.

At the end of it all what I got was fifteen minutes of fame and tainting my own aura with darkness. I no longer want that. I have learned to reserve my dark talent for the deadlier foes - which, by walking the path of love, I seemed to encounter lesser and lesser of such dark foes. I am tired, perhaps, of the constant search to inflict harm.

2010 alone has opened my eyes enough, to show me that the best form of victory comes from having the support of those who love you, during times you are put on trials. The enemy will burn on his/her own when they realize they fail to inflict harm upon you within your safety net of love and support. And I feel happier, for certain.







ENVY. If there was one thing I never succeeded in doing, it was to count my blessings. I was constantly oblivious to what I had, and the need to want more did at times, embitter me. I was not blind to the positive points in me and my life, but I refused to acknowledge them most of the times. I wanted what everyone else had - the perfect lover, the mounts of riches, the fanciful townhouse, the life of bling-blings.

But reality caught up with me one day and made me understand that I need to stop this state of envy. I need to stop hurting over things out of my reach, and start counting my blessings; cherishing what I have and enhancing them to the state I deem perfect. Wow. Sometimes I sound really philosophical.







My resolution for 2011? More spiritual growth and career advancement. I want to look and feel better than I have for years. I want to spend more time with my friends and family. Travel more, too (haha). I need to spend time to work on my writings if not they would never get published by the time people stop reading hard copies. Perhaps, go back for yoga classes and the gym.

So, hereby I bid you farewell, good 2010.

And with arms wide open, I welcome 2011 into my bosom - come hither, thee, with all thy riches, robust health and blessings of riches and beauty - May 2011 be a memorable one for all!

Yuletide Yield

 

Dear Diary

It was four o'clock in the morning. I was sitting in my room alone, using the laptop... somewhat frustrated at the failure to upload some pictures. My bedroom door was ajar as the night was chilly and I did not require the air-conditioning. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a flickering glow somewhere outside of my room - the kind of glow cast by a tiny penlight, and for a moment I thought someone was in the kitchen. I left the comfort of my cushioned seat, walked towards the glow boldly, and realized that it was merely a reflection upon some glass surface in the kitchen. Curious, I lifted my head and found its source - the fiercely beauteous, eerily-bright Full Moon sat upon my windowsill, glaring back at me.

I was dumbstruck at the moment - by awe, perhaps. I have always thought the Moon to be exceedingly, unbelievably lovely... Tonight, Her beauty just took my breath away.

It is already mid-December and I am not feeling the Christmas ambience, albeit the gorgeous Christmas decorations adorning the city this year. I love the silver and purple themes, by the way. Enchanting.

Usually at this time of year, the yearly routine of booking holiday trips, running from malls to malls, queuing up at gift-wrapping counters, organizing dinners and baking would ensue. This year, however, my busy work routine has overshadowed these activities.  My dinners are replaced by appointments.  Come January, I should have more empty slots on the calendars.

Ok. Not too bad, really. I still managed to squeeze time to buy gifts for my family and closest pals, pass them the gifts, attended a couple of parties, bought a couple of dresses, and plan a couple of short get-aways from city's bustling, cacophonic life.

Left: gray dress with black details hanging over it, like Indian sari. Right:black dress with a shawl-like drape instead of sleeves.

My emotions are in a turmoil. But at least by now, I know all the answers I want to know. Clarity, like water, beams at me through your slicing words; depth, like sands, would bury my foolishness. I seldom post songs... but here are a couple that I shall round my emotional year off. Start afresh, like mint.

I am excited at what the brand new year will bring.  Here's wishing you a very Merry Yuletide holiday season....

Lyrics | Jewel lyrics - Foolish Games lyrics

Lyrics | Corrs lyrics - Only When I Sleep lyrics

I do not know if you still read this page. If you ever did. It was just scary how we both quoted the same song on different platforms.

There is so much I want to say. So much misunderstandings and mysteries hanging between us. So much tension that both repels and attracts.

The past couple of days, you stood near me. I was so tempted to just turn around and say something - anything at all, to make conversation. But I was at a loss for words regarding you. I like talking to you because you make me feel like there was only us and the world evolves around your intense gaze - even when the rest of them vy for your attention.

For you are everything - from your accentless, flawless English to your stature to your dark good looks; your pleasant character, your enigmatic nature and sensual dance moves.

For you are nothing - just a fragment of what is ideal, but never mine - for to attempt any linkage with you would mean breaking all of my own rules.

We should have so much to talk about, really.

Jazz. Philosophy. Cats. Wine.

I have so much to think about, in reality.

But I am genuinely happy for you, because it seems you have taken flight and have found a source of happiness deserving of you. I wish this flame so bright in you right now, would never burn out. ..

Eleventh Month

 Title: November Rain

 

Dear Diary

Time's wings have spread and I find myself flipping the last two pages of my monthly calendar. I look back and try to recall what I have done, and achieved so far - though the year is not over yet.

Thought the shining stars weren't shining down upon me lately. The other day I felt so awful I wanted to head home and just give myself some quality "me" time, perhaps release some endorphins, perhaps drink a little.

But as I was having my long-awaited home-cooked dinner, my family members began to engage me in current affairs - at least on the local front. Brutal teens slashing each other up, going on their hacking sprees. It was kind of surreal in our well-protected, sheltered and safe little island, but I guess times have changed.

It made me realize that there are sadder, more tragic happenings out there. Events that have far more serious consequences  than my little setbacks and emotions. Events that I should pay more heed to, rather than hiding in my own shell.

It also made me realize that my family is so dear to me.

And I sincerely hope the teens that are involved with these heinous crimes, know what they're doing exactly. If what they're doing, is merely out of boredom or a second's worth of 'glory' within their gangs, of 'victory', then I hope what comes next serves them well and best. I hope they bear no regrets, just guilt, to their pathetic tiny graves or asylum cells.

Christmas is around the corner and the malls are already blasting carols, the cafes are already donned with faux snow and icicles, and other retailers have already packaged the perfect gift items for shoppers to choose from. I dont know, there is something about Christmas - Yuletide, that gets me very excited, like a kid.,It doesnt matter the year, the situation, the location....It makes me just want to hang out at the malls and shop, bake, eat and buy presents. And then I would think back on the past years... how Christmas was spent.

When I was young, my uncles and cousins would come to town. We'd have fun together, eating, choosing Santa hats, opening gifts, writing to the Claus. Then there were parties and curfews, drinking, singing, overseas trips. I realize the only "Christmassy" thing I never got to do is to attend a midnight mass. Heard its beautiful.

Sometimes you just get nostalgic and start missing your friends terribly, dont you? Throughout my life stages, I have always been fortunate to be blessed with fun-loving, good people who eventually become my close buddies. I do know my acquaintances and set them apart, but I have truly made many good friends out there - friends who have been with me for ages, and I really appreciate the friendship, even if some of them are no longer in my life due to demise, misunderstandings or relocation etc.

It just makes me miss those good old days when all I had to do was lift the phone off the hook, dial, or flip my cellular, when I was bored, and I would get many replies to go out. Dinners, hanging out, drinks, movies, pool, etc. So much that I had to mix my different circles of friends so that I could make time for them altogether. The word "bored" or "lonely" never crossed my mind, and when I had some alone time, it was a bliss.

Lately, we've all grown up, grown old, moved on to different stages of our lives where careers and families come first. Sometimes I want to go out so badly, but "when I dial the telephone, nobody's home" (quote "All by Myself" by Celine Dion). 

No, though, I am not lonely. I have my family, lovely colleagues and mon beau, and still, friends.

Just one of those weird, melodramatic entries. I dont even know why I penned it.

But here's November for you. Rainy season. KIsses....

 

Month of Samhain

Dear Diary,

as usual I am trailing after the previous month and attempting to write about it. I do not know who is still reading this blog - I thank you for your visit ;)

Samhain just came and went and I did not do anything. Shyt. Anything at all - not the rituals. not the dressing up for parties etc. It was work and chilling out - the latter of which I find myself doing a tad too much of. Not ideal.

Tonight was one of the very rare nights I actually got to come home early for a home-cooked meal, home-cut fruits, and the sound of the TV, poring over mindless fashion magazines and surfing the net. I could count days like these on fingers on my hands probably.

I am so tired. I should let the pictures do the talking tonight. Adieu, with blown kisses.

Beautiful Strangers

Title: Beautiful Strangers

 

It was one of those moments, where names did not matter. The night was dark, but not enough to marr the faces. Amongst the sea of faces, there was One. A beautiful stranger.

The beautiful stranger was a mystery, akin to an unopened door. The stranger was being watched, and the stranger in turn, watched. The stranger spoke, and it was like an angel has spoken. The words did not matter, it was the movements of the stranger's lips. Lips that wrapped themselves around the rim of a slim wine glass. Lips that parted to let out streams of intelligent words; smooth toned, like golden sands slowly sailing their way towards the dune - note the crescendos. Lips that left much to the imagination...

The stranger was joined by another stranger of equal caliber.

  

 

Were they immortals, sent down to earth to dazzle the earthlings? Sent down, so the trees would grow to be most lush - since the leaves whispered at the sight at of these beautiful strangers, yes they did, the treetops were rustling vigorously, lending on the powers of the winds. Sent down, so the sun might shine most bright - since the rays seemed to cast a halo around every object, at the sight of these mysterious strangers, yes they did, the sun has learned to spread its light to the less beauteous children of Mother Nature.

It was one of those times, one might feel, that it would be worth all the punishments in the world, to just steal bites from the fruit of sin in Eden's garden. For these strangers.

The earthlings yearned to get close, to open the doors to these mysteries, to unravel all there was to unravel, to savor all there was to savor - every scent, sight, sound, move, and taste. To kill off the curiosity with swords of knowledge, and walk away a learned disciple of these Strangers' lives.

Yet. The earthlings desired to leave the doors sealed, to keep the lid of this Pandora's Box on; to live by the will of imagination, for the excitement of guesswork fueled the fierce flames of temptations.

 

The beautiful Strangers departed into the gentle folds of the night, as softly as the mists, until their backs merged with the shadows cast by orange streetlamps....

One would wonder if these beauteous beings were simply figments of a rich imagination, and to think about them, even dream about them, makes the world seem more vast with each passing thought. Soon, it seemed, they appeared everywhere and everyone looked like them, for a brief fraction of the second. Perhaps they were surreal, perhaps their existence were forged.

And you were about to forget them until you saw one of them today; living, breathing, as touchable as the very memory you embed them into.

The fresh waves of pain came in torrents, the exact temper of an angry ocean.... You wish you could turn back time.

Ah. Beautiful strangers.

 

 

September Skies

Dear Diary

This is another of those very back-dated entries...at least if it is to be regarded as an update on September - which is, the previous month. I had meant to write sooner, but time, and my own energy, would not grant my desire.  Many a night, I just sat on my bed, in the midst of towel-drying my hair, and accomplished nothing useful by just sitting there, peeling dry skin off my hands as though in a meditative state, and just let my mind go blank. Blank with thoughts and blank with nothingness, like an unwavering surface of a lake.

September has been a busy month, at least for the first 2 weeks. Not much shopping done, but I did take time to enjoy the dips in the malls and their restaurants / cafes.  Jane Austen has also been a good companion these while. I am glad I read her books - one of those classics most talked about, but not many have truly read them! I so love the cultures portrayed, and the use of English in a more ancient style- poetic and elegant...

Recently I have began to practise Yoga on my own at home, when I have the spare time. I so do wish I could go back to Yoga classes again... nothing like it that makes one feel truly rejuvenated and healthy in both the mind, body and soul. I promise that i will make time for it again very soon.

I have slowly lost interest in local politics, I came to realize. Part of the reason might be that, I havent the time or might to follow up on recent updates. But I have slowly came to see the two sides of the coin more clearly - nope, I am not brainwashed by propaganda or those who do not lead in the best of its people's interest. I simply do not see why we should remain the group that falls under the control of a government and some of their more ludicrious policies. There are many who are unaffected - but because they do not care, but because they can afford not to be daunted. And if we cannot change our rulership (not because we havent the power or liberty to do so, but simply, the people here have guts that only allow them to make noise but not take actions), then perhaps, it is us that we should change.

Have you ever met a stranger, who has the power to intrigue you - perhaps it is the air of mystery, or a kind of je ne sais quoi unexplainable - that pokes and gnaws at you...? There is much to wonder, and you are curious to find out much more about this stranger. You wish to open up his or her mind, or at least be allowed a peek within it, so that your curiosity is satiated and your questions are all answered...

But on the other hand, you do not really desire the key to open up this mysterious door or to unravel anything...because you do not wish to find out, do not wish to know their flaws that may make them less beauteous than in your imagination... you wish for them to be as perfect as can be, in your memory.  And somehow, they have disappeared from your life... you do not know how to find them, where they might be at, or who might know them. And this creates a longing that is painful, hopeful, amongst the vast skies and wide oceans... You do not even know if you might meet them again, ever.

Well, its late. I better go grab dinner and then take the 30 minute stroll home slowly, while the streetlamps are still willing companions.

In the meantime, here is an early Samhain greeting out to you.  les baisers et les bénédictions à vous mon amour