MARCH-ing On..., 2011

 

Dear Diary

Time has sharpened its blade and sliced off a quarter of an entire year.

The past few months have been cruelly cold; I've forgotten that I could still sweat. Till this morning when the sun was coming on strong and left me in glistening sweat during a semi-long walk to my destination.I'd deem this a "sun bath", one I would always remember in the face of colder climates.

Because of the festivities, I have been indulging in a variety of good food - French, Spanish, Chinese, seafood, etc. I love foie gras and chicken pate, but learning of the cruelty imposed upon the poor birds to obtain their intestines for fine food, has prevented me from touching them for a long while. It is also time these sumptuous meals are laid to rest and I open up the lids of my diet protein meal replacements. I should review my Yoga membership as well.

Because of the holidays, I have been having a lot of fun, losing myself in my writings, movies, and other people's writings. Lots of crime stories and shows in order. I must admit - reading too much spy novels could really get one paranoid about being tailed (but in reality I have been tailed a few times indeed) and paranoid if someone talking to you is an undercover or sleuth. Interesting. But still, lying in the strong, warm arms of Escapism and allowing complete seduction, has become a way of life too luxurious, simply losing oneself in a life that does not belong to us. You can be anyone, meet everyone, play any role, get lost anywhere. 'Tis orgasmic and darkly sinful.

I will be travelling again - just unsure if it would be to a place I might shop and feast on raw seafood or a place I might shop and enjoy small teahouses in the hilltops. Both entice me, I need getaways. Mind-blowing sex amidst mindless days that one awakes to azure skies and an air that does not smell remotely familiar.

To end this off, I shall talk about recent episodes I had with holistic healers and so-called modern-day witch doctors... It is notably sad that lately, every profession's foci is on profits, revenues and income. In this pragmatic world we thrive in, is there no escape to placing the dollar sign for every tangible or intangible service rendered? Granted, they need the money to survive; but if, like doctors who care more about billing than their patients' true well-beings, then I classify them in categories not higher than your average mall retailer or street salespeople. Worse, there are people who use the name of the Deities to concoct scams and hoaxes - it makes me wonder if they have no fear of retribution by the higher entities?

I end my entry with that question hanging in the dense, cold air of today.  Moonshine, Merlor and Martinis are in order

Serene night cascading over languid dark clouds
Soulful gazes exchanged between the stars caught amidst

There is no room for the Moon to wander
No heights for the Thunder to blow its top

Gentle winds twirl the leaves into merry dancing
As the rain hides behind the boughs holding back tears

‘Tis beauteous, celestial betrayal of a virginal day,
Drunken, on the fires of Winter’s cruellest breaths.

The entire scene makes no sense to my half-closed eyes
Staring through the porch-perched glass of deep red wine

 

------<-----(@ 

 

 

 

Imbolc, February

Dear Diary

time has moved on again, without looking back to see if I was keeping pace faithfully. I could not complain. January has been a month of fun, relaxation and self-improvement. It took a toll on my work. Especially with the writing I have been back on track for. Would I still care so much if 2012 were really the End?

I have been working on building a little more Religions faith. I have a research essay for it, which I shall give myself a long deadline, a la thesis. I have been working on my novel again. Reading through it again, I am once more submerged in the world I have created. I want to immerse myself in it every second of the day - it is like an addiction. Even when I am in the office, my mind and heart belong to my story. I want to keep writing it, keep working on the characters' actions and conversations. I want to be with them; be part of them.

I know I need to pull out of this before it eats me up.

It is one of those times I want to just hide away in some lovely countryside or deserted island and do nothing but escape into my own fantasy world, writing, creating. Ahhh... the beauty of escapism.



I have also been doing some tidying and reorganizing of my room. There was so much stuff I ruthlessly threw away to make space for new purchases. There were a lot of keepsakes and memoirs that I could not bear to discard, though. I may be heartless most of the times, but the amount of keepsakes I have kept thus far, looking back at the memories they evoke - has made me realize the sentimental side of me as well. Some handwritten letters, some awards won all the way from middle school, some gift tokens. I feel like throwing away some of these means throwing a part of myself away.

I have close to a hundred books - non-fiction and novels. I have close to one hundred and fifty outfits and growing - mostly dresses. There are so many pieces of clothings I do not even recall owning. I am sure I will wear some of them again. The rest will all go to a charity organization. Which reminds me, too, that I have not been working on my fashion portfolio.

If only time were a standstill...

Anyway, heaven has been weeping alot lately, sending its precious tears to earth in torrents.  I have bathed in it. Perhaps you should give it a try too.

Happy Imbolc / Candlemas / St. Brigit's Day. It is a day when blessings are cast and candles are lit.

I have included some rather interesting quotes I have posted .... and I thnk they are rather brilliant and poetic. I shall end my entry here with passion. Kisses to you, eyes on my blog!





"I set the sail, the captainness waiting to take on the storms at sea- but unlike the Flying Dutchman, who never docked, I intend to anchor a harbor that contains my dreams - bringing not death to all those sighted, but, help and blessings..."

"beautiful lies, ugly truths - yet somehow, they form the perfect match made in heaven; partners in most crimes of passion...

"'Tis truly loathsome - when promises are made and broken - as though they are weightless as ashes, fragile as glass and worthless as dust..."

January 2011, Hail

Dear Diary

henceforth marks the very first entry for 2011.   I do not know how it would pan out, but I hope that all would be better than 2010.

Through various religions masters - or practitioners - I have learned much about the direct or indirect thoughtforms and actions that affect our lives in certain manners. I hope to put my newfound knowledge to good use and seeing more positive returns.

The festive mood needs to pass. I need to start working - and hard. The trophy I just received during the recent incentive trip might be a good motivator to reach higher mountains. Yes, I just returned from overseas; still dazed by the beauty and grandeurs of the place, and still feeling the cold against my skin..... I wish I could have a longer vacation.

5 dresses to kick start the New Year - two of which are gifts.


black Mango knit dress with half-sleeves. Gift by *Charliez. My new traveling dress.
 
  pink and gray tube dress

  black ruffled dress

  psychedelic patterned dress

black and coral red dress that looks like a vested suit

black ruffled mock-bandaged Chiffon dress with silver studs

red deep-v neck short dress with roles of black sequined studs
 
 

I am going to publish a mini "About Me" section and reviewing it next year to see if anything differs.

Name: E
Gender: female
Star sign: Aries
Religion: Paganism
Occupation: Financial Services
Educational background: Mass Comm. Psychology. Law.
Hobbies: reading, writing, singing, yoga, bowling, movies, shopping, chilling out etc
Favorite authors: depending on genre. Usually true crimes, religions, mysteries and poetry. And Oscar Wilde
Favorite singers: depending on genre again. New Age - Enya, Sarah Brightman, Secret Garden, Vangelis, ERA and Gregorian.  Others - Alanis Morisette, Def Leppard, Scorpions, Marc Anthony etc
Favorite actors: Paul Bettany. Marilyn Monroe.
Favorite food: French, Italian, desserts and my mother's cooking
Favorite Fruits: berries and peaches
Favorite drinks: red wine, gin tonic, daiquiri, chocolate
Favorite animals: polar bears, dolphins and cats
Favorite color: Black and silver
Favorite flower: black or champagne roses. Tulips.
If there was one person you could connect with totally? Marilyn Monroe. Or Oscar Wilde.
If there was one thing you could do everyday and still love it? Escapism. Or arts.
Things you cannot stand? People who Do not keep promises. Unhygienic people. Unjustice. Cruelty to animals.
You believe that... everyone has 2 sides to them. Learn to see both. Also, Karma exists.
Regrets? Many.
Personality? versatile; multi-faceted
and the list goes on...

FInal Entry for 2010 (belated)

Dear Diary

It is time for one of those long, sensational and sentimental final entries of the year. Only this came three days late.

It is also time to re-read the journal entries made for the year, burn the calendars and memories if 2010 was bad, or offer thanks if 2010 had been a blessing. The usual boring script goes..."Yes, I think 2010 was all right, with its ups and downs. I hope 2011 would be a better year, though."



 


I would like to do it just a little differently, this year. Looking back, 2010 indeed had its peaks and troughs for me, but I have also experienced some miracles by my beloved Deities, whom I will continue to invite to bless my life in 2011. There were victories on the job, new friends gained, deeper pockets dug, spiritual growth, a visit from my best pal in the world Feith, and a little flirtation with testing the limits of my relationship. I have grown calmer, and I would think , alot kinder - in the face of adversaries. Oh, my lucky foes.









There was little travelling done. Except for those trips taken nearby my current city - usually 3 days, 2 nights' affairs. There will be more trips come 2011, but most of the "where" still remains an enigma. For the most part of 2010, I have been rather "touristy" in my own land, visiting places of attraction - well, on a brighter note there were indeed two newly established, visit-worthy locations that were born in 2010 itself.  I have also stumbled upon 2 products - Lancome's Genefique (youth activator) and SKIN DOCTORs' antarctilyne plump - which managed to improve my skin much effectively than my pricey (think, ten times the price of the above 2 products mentioned) beauty parlor treatment packages. And also, the wonderful discovery of some mineral Make-up primer (brand: Bellapierre) that gives my skin the smooth after-moisturizer feel texture that I have always wanted. Ok, blessings, blessings.

The downside of 2010?

I could have handled some cases better - hence I regard them as expensive lessons learnt. I did not have time to meet up with many beloved friends as I would have wanted to. With deeper pockets came larger expenses and operating costs. My health was not as stellar as it has always been - my eyes, the flu, even a case of breathlessness while in the car (and this was cause for concern). I also gained weight. And there is that massive mess that I have yet to shake off.

Overall, though, I would think the scales were tipped in my favor.







HATRED. This is a part of me I am slowly dissolving, learning to give more love to everyone around me. There were so much I hated and begrudged, and with hatred came the great desire to inflict great harm. Plotting revenge was, for a period of unhealthy years, a favorite game of mine to play, to watch the enemy suffer, to cause them pain and bask in that moment of glory.  It was even easy, to instantly come up with plots should my path be crossed unpleasantly.

At the end of it all what I got was fifteen minutes of fame and tainting my own aura with darkness. I no longer want that. I have learned to reserve my dark talent for the deadlier foes - which, by walking the path of love, I seemed to encounter lesser and lesser of such dark foes. I am tired, perhaps, of the constant search to inflict harm.

2010 alone has opened my eyes enough, to show me that the best form of victory comes from having the support of those who love you, during times you are put on trials. The enemy will burn on his/her own when they realize they fail to inflict harm upon you within your safety net of love and support. And I feel happier, for certain.







ENVY. If there was one thing I never succeeded in doing, it was to count my blessings. I was constantly oblivious to what I had, and the need to want more did at times, embitter me. I was not blind to the positive points in me and my life, but I refused to acknowledge them most of the times. I wanted what everyone else had - the perfect lover, the mounts of riches, the fanciful townhouse, the life of bling-blings.

But reality caught up with me one day and made me understand that I need to stop this state of envy. I need to stop hurting over things out of my reach, and start counting my blessings; cherishing what I have and enhancing them to the state I deem perfect. Wow. Sometimes I sound really philosophical.







My resolution for 2011? More spiritual growth and career advancement. I want to look and feel better than I have for years. I want to spend more time with my friends and family. Travel more, too (haha). I need to spend time to work on my writings if not they would never get published by the time people stop reading hard copies. Perhaps, go back for yoga classes and the gym.

So, hereby I bid you farewell, good 2010.

And with arms wide open, I welcome 2011 into my bosom - come hither, thee, with all thy riches, robust health and blessings of riches and beauty - May 2011 be a memorable one for all!

Yuletide Yield

 

Dear Diary

It was four o'clock in the morning. I was sitting in my room alone, using the laptop... somewhat frustrated at the failure to upload some pictures. My bedroom door was ajar as the night was chilly and I did not require the air-conditioning. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a flickering glow somewhere outside of my room - the kind of glow cast by a tiny penlight, and for a moment I thought someone was in the kitchen. I left the comfort of my cushioned seat, walked towards the glow boldly, and realized that it was merely a reflection upon some glass surface in the kitchen. Curious, I lifted my head and found its source - the fiercely beauteous, eerily-bright Full Moon sat upon my windowsill, glaring back at me.

I was dumbstruck at the moment - by awe, perhaps. I have always thought the Moon to be exceedingly, unbelievably lovely... Tonight, Her beauty just took my breath away.

It is already mid-December and I am not feeling the Christmas ambience, albeit the gorgeous Christmas decorations adorning the city this year. I love the silver and purple themes, by the way. Enchanting.

Usually at this time of year, the yearly routine of booking holiday trips, running from malls to malls, queuing up at gift-wrapping counters, organizing dinners and baking would ensue. This year, however, my busy work routine has overshadowed these activities.  My dinners are replaced by appointments.  Come January, I should have more empty slots on the calendars.

Ok. Not too bad, really. I still managed to squeeze time to buy gifts for my family and closest pals, pass them the gifts, attended a couple of parties, bought a couple of dresses, and plan a couple of short get-aways from city's bustling, cacophonic life.

Left: gray dress with black details hanging over it, like Indian sari. Right:black dress with a shawl-like drape instead of sleeves.

My emotions are in a turmoil. But at least by now, I know all the answers I want to know. Clarity, like water, beams at me through your slicing words; depth, like sands, would bury my foolishness. I seldom post songs... but here are a couple that I shall round my emotional year off. Start afresh, like mint.

I am excited at what the brand new year will bring.  Here's wishing you a very Merry Yuletide holiday season....

Lyrics | Jewel lyrics - Foolish Games lyrics

Lyrics | Corrs lyrics - Only When I Sleep lyrics

I do not know if you still read this page. If you ever did. It was just scary how we both quoted the same song on different platforms.

There is so much I want to say. So much misunderstandings and mysteries hanging between us. So much tension that both repels and attracts.

The past couple of days, you stood near me. I was so tempted to just turn around and say something - anything at all, to make conversation. But I was at a loss for words regarding you. I like talking to you because you make me feel like there was only us and the world evolves around your intense gaze - even when the rest of them vy for your attention.

For you are everything - from your accentless, flawless English to your stature to your dark good looks; your pleasant character, your enigmatic nature and sensual dance moves.

For you are nothing - just a fragment of what is ideal, but never mine - for to attempt any linkage with you would mean breaking all of my own rules.

We should have so much to talk about, really.

Jazz. Philosophy. Cats. Wine.

I have so much to think about, in reality.

But I am genuinely happy for you, because it seems you have taken flight and have found a source of happiness deserving of you. I wish this flame so bright in you right now, would never burn out. ..

Eleventh Month

 Title: November Rain

 

Dear Diary

Time's wings have spread and I find myself flipping the last two pages of my monthly calendar. I look back and try to recall what I have done, and achieved so far - though the year is not over yet.

Thought the shining stars weren't shining down upon me lately. The other day I felt so awful I wanted to head home and just give myself some quality "me" time, perhaps release some endorphins, perhaps drink a little.

But as I was having my long-awaited home-cooked dinner, my family members began to engage me in current affairs - at least on the local front. Brutal teens slashing each other up, going on their hacking sprees. It was kind of surreal in our well-protected, sheltered and safe little island, but I guess times have changed.

It made me realize that there are sadder, more tragic happenings out there. Events that have far more serious consequences  than my little setbacks and emotions. Events that I should pay more heed to, rather than hiding in my own shell.

It also made me realize that my family is so dear to me.

And I sincerely hope the teens that are involved with these heinous crimes, know what they're doing exactly. If what they're doing, is merely out of boredom or a second's worth of 'glory' within their gangs, of 'victory', then I hope what comes next serves them well and best. I hope they bear no regrets, just guilt, to their pathetic tiny graves or asylum cells.

Christmas is around the corner and the malls are already blasting carols, the cafes are already donned with faux snow and icicles, and other retailers have already packaged the perfect gift items for shoppers to choose from. I dont know, there is something about Christmas - Yuletide, that gets me very excited, like a kid.,It doesnt matter the year, the situation, the location....It makes me just want to hang out at the malls and shop, bake, eat and buy presents. And then I would think back on the past years... how Christmas was spent.

When I was young, my uncles and cousins would come to town. We'd have fun together, eating, choosing Santa hats, opening gifts, writing to the Claus. Then there were parties and curfews, drinking, singing, overseas trips. I realize the only "Christmassy" thing I never got to do is to attend a midnight mass. Heard its beautiful.

Sometimes you just get nostalgic and start missing your friends terribly, dont you? Throughout my life stages, I have always been fortunate to be blessed with fun-loving, good people who eventually become my close buddies. I do know my acquaintances and set them apart, but I have truly made many good friends out there - friends who have been with me for ages, and I really appreciate the friendship, even if some of them are no longer in my life due to demise, misunderstandings or relocation etc.

It just makes me miss those good old days when all I had to do was lift the phone off the hook, dial, or flip my cellular, when I was bored, and I would get many replies to go out. Dinners, hanging out, drinks, movies, pool, etc. So much that I had to mix my different circles of friends so that I could make time for them altogether. The word "bored" or "lonely" never crossed my mind, and when I had some alone time, it was a bliss.

Lately, we've all grown up, grown old, moved on to different stages of our lives where careers and families come first. Sometimes I want to go out so badly, but "when I dial the telephone, nobody's home" (quote "All by Myself" by Celine Dion). 

No, though, I am not lonely. I have my family, lovely colleagues and mon beau, and still, friends.

Just one of those weird, melodramatic entries. I dont even know why I penned it.

But here's November for you. Rainy season. KIsses....

 

Month of Samhain

Dear Diary,

as usual I am trailing after the previous month and attempting to write about it. I do not know who is still reading this blog - I thank you for your visit ;)

Samhain just came and went and I did not do anything. Shyt. Anything at all - not the rituals. not the dressing up for parties etc. It was work and chilling out - the latter of which I find myself doing a tad too much of. Not ideal.

Tonight was one of the very rare nights I actually got to come home early for a home-cooked meal, home-cut fruits, and the sound of the TV, poring over mindless fashion magazines and surfing the net. I could count days like these on fingers on my hands probably.

I am so tired. I should let the pictures do the talking tonight. Adieu, with blown kisses.