The Return of Augustus (Edit)

Dear Diary,

The night is still young but I can feel the call of the Dream God, beckoning me into his arms. However, my mind is too active, and refuses to be taken in by the lure of sweet dreams easily.

I should be heading to pen a few pages for my novels later on, but now, I should extend a warm welcome to August, shouldnt I?



August - the month three of my closest girlfriends have their birthdays - stay gorgeous and happy, *Charliez, *Priscilla and *Nikki. You know my love's with you, always.

August  - the month I'm still continuing my Vegan diet. You should really watch this video, on the cruelty of treatment to animals. Perhaps, this shall strengthen my love for Nature and my bond with my Pagan faith? I just think that animals shouldnt be ill-treated or tortured just so human beings get to enjoy their body parts, and I really hate it that these innocent, innocuous and adorable lifeforms are being hurt.



Oh, you don't know this side of me - Im aloof and cold, often; even cruel, but I have very soft spots for animals. To me, I'd rather see evil human beings get tortured and sacrificed than these harmless animals whose only faults in life's probably the inability to defend themselves.

I wish I could inject more emotions and personal updates onto this Blog of mine, but someone please tell me, what to write on?

Guilt? Two incidents made me realize that people have strange and rather cowardly ways of showing their guilt, unwittingly. Besides the usual suspects who often loudly exclaim or overly-discuss crimes or faults committed by other potential suspects, I've learned that silent consent is a new form of guilt admittance, as well. I should've acquired knowledge of it back when I studied Law, but I guess its not one of those things you practice enough to remember on a daily basis.

Culprit A did something to cause embarrassment and hurt to me, thus burning all bridges of all possible platonic or professional friendships...there was no explanation or apologies offered, but his silent acceptance of being removed from my linked sites and keeping a distance at a recent "bumped-into" event suffice to tell me that he has silently acknowledged his mistake and is too ashamed to come forward to even say "hi".  Culprit B had the audacity to dump a boxload of used tissues and other trash on my new office desk. When I tossed the box back onto her desk, and took the liberty of tossing a couple of her table-dressings into the box, she acquisced to her wrongdoing in silence and dared not make demands to find out who'd returned the disgusting box to her.




Its really funny, how people cannot simply apologize and make things right. An issue of pride, which cannot even feed our tummies or fulfill our desires? Or simply cowardice, the reluctance to face the painful music by their consequences? To begin with, more thoughts before actions could've prevented these stupid situations that warrant recovery or solutions.

I cant say that I'm fault-proof, but I am good at gathering enough evidence to support everything I do or say. I am not afraid to apologize for my mishaps, as well.

That said, I guess 'tis enough for now, another side revealed. I actually wonder if I have some form of sober multiple-personality-disorders or is it just versatility at play.

Well, five more months to work really hard before serious play.

Kisses for the next thirty days before I see you again. Bon nuit!





EDIT

Oddly, the other night I dreamed of Dionysus. The thing was that, I didnt even know who he was, at least not consciously. So i went to Yahoo him, and found out that he was the God of Wine, Theater and Ecstasy, three of my favorite things. What sign am I getting here, I wonder?

My eldest Aunt recently passed on - a coma took over and stealthily stole her last breath. I am saddened, because she used to take care of our family when we were younger; and it is very surreal that at the next festivities, I would not be seeing her again. I hope the Deities watch over her, protect her soul and bless her. Life is so fragile...

Independent July

Happy July 4th! Its Independence we seek, and its what we shall get!

I dont know how July will fare, but I would love for pictures, lyrics and my own Quotes to tell my story for this month.... I feel like revamping myself  - my life is becoming a la the Case of Benjamin Button, at times...





hasta la vista, kisses.




 
My Quotes

#1:  My hatred for you would drive me to work harder than I've ever before- it may be the wrong source of motivation, but perhaps I would need to thank you instead... when results are shown...

#2:  "The law is reason free from passion" ..... and we, human beings, are passion free from reasons....more often than not...

#3:  Unsatiated wants eventually become Needs...





I have been working really hard this month, and onwards. I'd nearly forgotten how wonderful and sextifying it is, to work really hard, and reap the results of seeds sown. Some shopping done as well...


                 



     


 

Mid-year Tales

Dear Diary,

I couldnt believe that June has arrived and is knocking on the door. Shall I open it? Too late, its already sitting in the foyer!

Social-wise, there are the usual drinks, dinners and dances with my beloved friends. A good male friend of mine shall tie the knot in a week's time, so yes, the journey of attending weddings and baby christening ceremonies still prevail. I may be a step closer to enjoying the novel-perfect parties soon.

Work-wise, good news and mediocre news have formed themselves into a circle around me, so while there's smiles and sweat, there's also some significant changes in the schedules. I had a dream about publishing my books finally; and I for one, absolutely cannot wait.



Spiritual-wise, its all troughs and peaks. Sadly, the Tarot readings werent accurate - did I read them wrongly, or was the deck contaminated by the energy of another Toucher?

Otherwise, a trip abroad was cancelled, leaving me more time to work on my career, shopping (its the Sale season) and personal projects that are never-ending. There would be visits to touristy spots, as well. A yacht or cruise trip would just about make it perfect.... I am still immersed in the British and French cultures currently (the former being the results of mutual contacts and research for my books).

My male-sized Ego took a beating as well. Never in my entire life had I seen treatment this way, but I had brought it upon myself for not verifying properly. I guess I didnt expect a friend - or mutual friend - to do something this vile. That this person would disregard and disrespect my very clear message of disinterest (professionally-speaking) at this point in time. That this person would take the liberty of arranging a meeting without the basic courtesy to inform of a guest. Besides the initial shock which I was sure my mask hid, and the word-war laced with a tinge of defensiveness (which, if circumstances had been different, I might've been more open about things), I guess I handled the situation pretty well.

The blow was so low, though, that I knew at that point in time, that all bridges for friendship ties or even a joint-venture would be severed. I guess I never want to see that person ever again. Call me egoistic, I just found it utterly insulting. It makes this person no different from the MLM-salesmen who made use of my appointment to present their products, and it is no different from what I did years back, thus losing many friends along the way. Pardon my French, but fuck you, really.



In other news, stay tuned. I shall take my glass of Wine, mayhaps some meditation, and head into Morpheus' arms (oh, Morpheus,  by the by - is the God of Dreams, just in case anyone doesnt follow the mythologies). Adieu, with lots of kisses and hugs.

Beltane Month

 

 

Dear Diary

after mellow pursuits of my arts - some fashion designs competition, some company logo competition, some writings so I can get published soon (hopefully) and a little political research for our upcoming Election, I have bene enjoying an average of 4 hours on a nightly basis.

Yes, the Beltane month is probably the best month to sow and plant my inspirations into full-fledged works rather than games of my passionate interests (which are, by the way, wide and varied).

Mon beau and I celebrated our Fifth Year anniversary at some suites hotel that made me race-conscious. No offense to anyone, but hell yeah, I have never felt foreign-er in a foreign land! But then, the gift, wine (cabernet Sauvignon is slowly replacing my love for Merlot) and the weekend together made up for the "stranded in an odd land" feeling.

These few months I have been enjoying too much drinks and cuisine at restaurants and bars I have always yearned to go, but did not have the chance.

The Election is upcoming, and I have a pretty good idea who I am going to vote for. If I have the time I would love to be a volunteer - they actually sent me an invite to do so! (UPDATES: the Great Election is over and results were somewhat disappointing.)

But I am splitting my time between work - yes, it is time to start getting busy again after four months of enjoyment and star gazing - the trade shows and telemarketers are back, and my focal has to be strong. For the daytime, at least. I love high teas, lounging over wines and shopping in the afternoons too much, but money aint coming in this way unless I marry a tycoon.

 

I will continue my spiritual paths and servitude towards Those who have blessed me and watched over me. It bothered me that I could no longer recall my dreams vividly the moment I wake up. Every detail used to be crystal clear, even throughout the day. I need my dreams because usually, they mean something.

My writings shall be continued in the night, after my day-job. Lots of vitamins, water and energy to sustain. Strange how once you find your passion, you do not feel tired even if you have to lead a sleepless lifestyle.

More updates to be had. In the meantime, I sign off - kisses and roses and some favorites recent phrases of mine

Moon's gentler bosoms rest the earth, senseless pleasure taken under oath, bloody-Marys metallic kisses - in Me
Gentle sun's arms embracing the earth, heinous pleasures taken under wrath, full-bodied Bordeaux kisses - in You.

unsatiated wants eventually become Needs...

 

 

 

 

Title: April's Wishing Well

Dear Diary

It is my month - the month of Fire, diamonds and well, hopefully, fulfilled desires.

I cannot foresee the upcoming weeks and what they may entail, but I know I will be a bee again, after all this long breaks and vacations.

Giftswise, there were Christian Dior, Givenchy, Lancome, Chanel, Calvin Klein, Swaroskvi, Vichy and more to come. I love you my friends and family- thank you for remembering.

I went for a lovely holiday (note: no raw seafood and snow mountains no thanks to quakes, tsunamis and nuclear infection; and no shopping or tea sipping in mountain tea huts) at a beach resort. It was generally enjoyable - late nights, candlelit rooms, lazing by the poolside or beachfront reading books or magazines, getting a healthy tan, pampered by massages and spas, eating seafood at stilted restaurants, ordering room service, and you'll never guess what - I learned how to swim. Yes, the latter, which has been the bane of my existence, and after running through two coaches, I have more or less given up any possible affairs with the waters. Mon beau has taught me how to swim - without having to duck my entire head underwater, and I had so much fun I was reluctant to leave the pool.

 

I do miss the quietness of the place, the slow pace of life, and watching sunlight reflections on the seas that made them look like diamonds afloat the blue waters. Beauteous.

More book ideas. Less time. More fun for me, though.

I love Escapism with a passion. With it, there is no need for me to reside amongst the pains of everyday's reality, there is no need to face the things we covet but could never attain, no need to worry about the troubles we face. With it, we can be anyone we want to be, do anything we yearn to do, even, be anyone we wish we could be, living the ideal life we wish we were bestowed.

Escapism can be in the form of losing ourselves in movies, novels, or our own writings, it may also come in the form of strong imagination. I actually have a Blog for my muses, these seemingly hidden alter egos that I escape into. Far away from this world...

Some people would always wonder, whats so bad about reality? Why can we not count our blessings?

I do, really I do count them. Just that, it doesnt hurt to want more.

The night unfolds,
Robbing my mind of sane thresholds,
And the Angel stepped  -
Was it the Demon who'd tripped? -
Upon my dreams so dark,
Never to be woken by the larks.

Smiles upon closed lips,
Dusts of dreams upon shut lids;
Somewhere in the map of my heart,
I drew upon fiery hearths
Somewhere, reachable within my grasp,
Dissolving into coldness, as frost.

The white-clad ballerinas dancing the dream
Slip and fall from the beams
Of light, From grace, like angels from Sins
Upon  the stage of dreams that burn,
Bringing pains of fiery icyness; or icy hotness,
Me wishing to be woken from this mess.

(C) copyright 2011 Bianca

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MARCH-ing On..., 2011

 

Dear Diary

Time has sharpened its blade and sliced off a quarter of an entire year.

The past few months have been cruelly cold; I've forgotten that I could still sweat. Till this morning when the sun was coming on strong and left me in glistening sweat during a semi-long walk to my destination.I'd deem this a "sun bath", one I would always remember in the face of colder climates.

Because of the festivities, I have been indulging in a variety of good food - French, Spanish, Chinese, seafood, etc. I love foie gras and chicken pate, but learning of the cruelty imposed upon the poor birds to obtain their intestines for fine food, has prevented me from touching them for a long while. It is also time these sumptuous meals are laid to rest and I open up the lids of my diet protein meal replacements. I should review my Yoga membership as well.

Because of the holidays, I have been having a lot of fun, losing myself in my writings, movies, and other people's writings. Lots of crime stories and shows in order. I must admit - reading too much spy novels could really get one paranoid about being tailed (but in reality I have been tailed a few times indeed) and paranoid if someone talking to you is an undercover or sleuth. Interesting. But still, lying in the strong, warm arms of Escapism and allowing complete seduction, has become a way of life too luxurious, simply losing oneself in a life that does not belong to us. You can be anyone, meet everyone, play any role, get lost anywhere. 'Tis orgasmic and darkly sinful.

I will be travelling again - just unsure if it would be to a place I might shop and feast on raw seafood or a place I might shop and enjoy small teahouses in the hilltops. Both entice me, I need getaways. Mind-blowing sex amidst mindless days that one awakes to azure skies and an air that does not smell remotely familiar.

To end this off, I shall talk about recent episodes I had with holistic healers and so-called modern-day witch doctors... It is notably sad that lately, every profession's foci is on profits, revenues and income. In this pragmatic world we thrive in, is there no escape to placing the dollar sign for every tangible or intangible service rendered? Granted, they need the money to survive; but if, like doctors who care more about billing than their patients' true well-beings, then I classify them in categories not higher than your average mall retailer or street salespeople. Worse, there are people who use the name of the Deities to concoct scams and hoaxes - it makes me wonder if they have no fear of retribution by the higher entities?

I end my entry with that question hanging in the dense, cold air of today.  Moonshine, Merlor and Martinis are in order

Serene night cascading over languid dark clouds
Soulful gazes exchanged between the stars caught amidst

There is no room for the Moon to wander
No heights for the Thunder to blow its top

Gentle winds twirl the leaves into merry dancing
As the rain hides behind the boughs holding back tears

‘Tis beauteous, celestial betrayal of a virginal day,
Drunken, on the fires of Winter’s cruellest breaths.

The entire scene makes no sense to my half-closed eyes
Staring through the porch-perched glass of deep red wine

 

------<-----(@ 

 

 

 

Imbolc, February

Dear Diary

time has moved on again, without looking back to see if I was keeping pace faithfully. I could not complain. January has been a month of fun, relaxation and self-improvement. It took a toll on my work. Especially with the writing I have been back on track for. Would I still care so much if 2012 were really the End?

I have been working on building a little more Religions faith. I have a research essay for it, which I shall give myself a long deadline, a la thesis. I have been working on my novel again. Reading through it again, I am once more submerged in the world I have created. I want to immerse myself in it every second of the day - it is like an addiction. Even when I am in the office, my mind and heart belong to my story. I want to keep writing it, keep working on the characters' actions and conversations. I want to be with them; be part of them.

I know I need to pull out of this before it eats me up.

It is one of those times I want to just hide away in some lovely countryside or deserted island and do nothing but escape into my own fantasy world, writing, creating. Ahhh... the beauty of escapism.



I have also been doing some tidying and reorganizing of my room. There was so much stuff I ruthlessly threw away to make space for new purchases. There were a lot of keepsakes and memoirs that I could not bear to discard, though. I may be heartless most of the times, but the amount of keepsakes I have kept thus far, looking back at the memories they evoke - has made me realize the sentimental side of me as well. Some handwritten letters, some awards won all the way from middle school, some gift tokens. I feel like throwing away some of these means throwing a part of myself away.

I have close to a hundred books - non-fiction and novels. I have close to one hundred and fifty outfits and growing - mostly dresses. There are so many pieces of clothings I do not even recall owning. I am sure I will wear some of them again. The rest will all go to a charity organization. Which reminds me, too, that I have not been working on my fashion portfolio.

If only time were a standstill...

Anyway, heaven has been weeping alot lately, sending its precious tears to earth in torrents.  I have bathed in it. Perhaps you should give it a try too.

Happy Imbolc / Candlemas / St. Brigit's Day. It is a day when blessings are cast and candles are lit.

I have included some rather interesting quotes I have posted .... and I thnk they are rather brilliant and poetic. I shall end my entry here with passion. Kisses to you, eyes on my blog!





"I set the sail, the captainness waiting to take on the storms at sea- but unlike the Flying Dutchman, who never docked, I intend to anchor a harbor that contains my dreams - bringing not death to all those sighted, but, help and blessings..."

"beautiful lies, ugly truths - yet somehow, they form the perfect match made in heaven; partners in most crimes of passion...

"'Tis truly loathsome - when promises are made and broken - as though they are weightless as ashes, fragile as glass and worthless as dust..."

January 2011, Hail

Dear Diary

henceforth marks the very first entry for 2011.   I do not know how it would pan out, but I hope that all would be better than 2010.

Through various religions masters - or practitioners - I have learned much about the direct or indirect thoughtforms and actions that affect our lives in certain manners. I hope to put my newfound knowledge to good use and seeing more positive returns.

The festive mood needs to pass. I need to start working - and hard. The trophy I just received during the recent incentive trip might be a good motivator to reach higher mountains. Yes, I just returned from overseas; still dazed by the beauty and grandeurs of the place, and still feeling the cold against my skin..... I wish I could have a longer vacation.

5 dresses to kick start the New Year - two of which are gifts.


black Mango knit dress with half-sleeves. Gift by *Charliez. My new traveling dress.
 
  pink and gray tube dress

  black ruffled dress

  psychedelic patterned dress

black and coral red dress that looks like a vested suit

black ruffled mock-bandaged Chiffon dress with silver studs

red deep-v neck short dress with roles of black sequined studs
 
 

I am going to publish a mini "About Me" section and reviewing it next year to see if anything differs.

Name: E
Gender: female
Star sign: Aries
Religion: Paganism
Occupation: Financial Services
Educational background: Mass Comm. Psychology. Law.
Hobbies: reading, writing, singing, yoga, bowling, movies, shopping, chilling out etc
Favorite authors: depending on genre. Usually true crimes, religions, mysteries and poetry. And Oscar Wilde
Favorite singers: depending on genre again. New Age - Enya, Sarah Brightman, Secret Garden, Vangelis, ERA and Gregorian.  Others - Alanis Morisette, Def Leppard, Scorpions, Marc Anthony etc
Favorite actors: Paul Bettany. Marilyn Monroe.
Favorite food: French, Italian, desserts and my mother's cooking
Favorite Fruits: berries and peaches
Favorite drinks: red wine, gin tonic, daiquiri, chocolate
Favorite animals: polar bears, dolphins and cats
Favorite color: Black and silver
Favorite flower: black or champagne roses. Tulips.
If there was one person you could connect with totally? Marilyn Monroe. Or Oscar Wilde.
If there was one thing you could do everyday and still love it? Escapism. Or arts.
Things you cannot stand? People who Do not keep promises. Unhygienic people. Unjustice. Cruelty to animals.
You believe that... everyone has 2 sides to them. Learn to see both. Also, Karma exists.
Regrets? Many.
Personality? versatile; multi-faceted
and the list goes on...

FInal Entry for 2010 (belated)

Dear Diary

It is time for one of those long, sensational and sentimental final entries of the year. Only this came three days late.

It is also time to re-read the journal entries made for the year, burn the calendars and memories if 2010 was bad, or offer thanks if 2010 had been a blessing. The usual boring script goes..."Yes, I think 2010 was all right, with its ups and downs. I hope 2011 would be a better year, though."



 


I would like to do it just a little differently, this year. Looking back, 2010 indeed had its peaks and troughs for me, but I have also experienced some miracles by my beloved Deities, whom I will continue to invite to bless my life in 2011. There were victories on the job, new friends gained, deeper pockets dug, spiritual growth, a visit from my best pal in the world Feith, and a little flirtation with testing the limits of my relationship. I have grown calmer, and I would think , alot kinder - in the face of adversaries. Oh, my lucky foes.









There was little travelling done. Except for those trips taken nearby my current city - usually 3 days, 2 nights' affairs. There will be more trips come 2011, but most of the "where" still remains an enigma. For the most part of 2010, I have been rather "touristy" in my own land, visiting places of attraction - well, on a brighter note there were indeed two newly established, visit-worthy locations that were born in 2010 itself.  I have also stumbled upon 2 products - Lancome's Genefique (youth activator) and SKIN DOCTORs' antarctilyne plump - which managed to improve my skin much effectively than my pricey (think, ten times the price of the above 2 products mentioned) beauty parlor treatment packages. And also, the wonderful discovery of some mineral Make-up primer (brand: Bellapierre) that gives my skin the smooth after-moisturizer feel texture that I have always wanted. Ok, blessings, blessings.

The downside of 2010?

I could have handled some cases better - hence I regard them as expensive lessons learnt. I did not have time to meet up with many beloved friends as I would have wanted to. With deeper pockets came larger expenses and operating costs. My health was not as stellar as it has always been - my eyes, the flu, even a case of breathlessness while in the car (and this was cause for concern). I also gained weight. And there is that massive mess that I have yet to shake off.

Overall, though, I would think the scales were tipped in my favor.







HATRED. This is a part of me I am slowly dissolving, learning to give more love to everyone around me. There were so much I hated and begrudged, and with hatred came the great desire to inflict great harm. Plotting revenge was, for a period of unhealthy years, a favorite game of mine to play, to watch the enemy suffer, to cause them pain and bask in that moment of glory.  It was even easy, to instantly come up with plots should my path be crossed unpleasantly.

At the end of it all what I got was fifteen minutes of fame and tainting my own aura with darkness. I no longer want that. I have learned to reserve my dark talent for the deadlier foes - which, by walking the path of love, I seemed to encounter lesser and lesser of such dark foes. I am tired, perhaps, of the constant search to inflict harm.

2010 alone has opened my eyes enough, to show me that the best form of victory comes from having the support of those who love you, during times you are put on trials. The enemy will burn on his/her own when they realize they fail to inflict harm upon you within your safety net of love and support. And I feel happier, for certain.







ENVY. If there was one thing I never succeeded in doing, it was to count my blessings. I was constantly oblivious to what I had, and the need to want more did at times, embitter me. I was not blind to the positive points in me and my life, but I refused to acknowledge them most of the times. I wanted what everyone else had - the perfect lover, the mounts of riches, the fanciful townhouse, the life of bling-blings.

But reality caught up with me one day and made me understand that I need to stop this state of envy. I need to stop hurting over things out of my reach, and start counting my blessings; cherishing what I have and enhancing them to the state I deem perfect. Wow. Sometimes I sound really philosophical.







My resolution for 2011? More spiritual growth and career advancement. I want to look and feel better than I have for years. I want to spend more time with my friends and family. Travel more, too (haha). I need to spend time to work on my writings if not they would never get published by the time people stop reading hard copies. Perhaps, go back for yoga classes and the gym.

So, hereby I bid you farewell, good 2010.

And with arms wide open, I welcome 2011 into my bosom - come hither, thee, with all thy riches, robust health and blessings of riches and beauty - May 2011 be a memorable one for all!