Month of Samhain

Dear Diary,

as usual I am trailing after the previous month and attempting to write about it. I do not know who is still reading this blog - I thank you for your visit ;)

Samhain just came and went and I did not do anything. Shyt. Anything at all - not the rituals. not the dressing up for parties etc. It was work and chilling out - the latter of which I find myself doing a tad too much of. Not ideal.

Tonight was one of the very rare nights I actually got to come home early for a home-cooked meal, home-cut fruits, and the sound of the TV, poring over mindless fashion magazines and surfing the net. I could count days like these on fingers on my hands probably.

I am so tired. I should let the pictures do the talking tonight. Adieu, with blown kisses.

Beautiful Strangers

Title: Beautiful Strangers

 

It was one of those moments, where names did not matter. The night was dark, but not enough to marr the faces. Amongst the sea of faces, there was One. A beautiful stranger.

The beautiful stranger was a mystery, akin to an unopened door. The stranger was being watched, and the stranger in turn, watched. The stranger spoke, and it was like an angel has spoken. The words did not matter, it was the movements of the stranger's lips. Lips that wrapped themselves around the rim of a slim wine glass. Lips that parted to let out streams of intelligent words; smooth toned, like golden sands slowly sailing their way towards the dune - note the crescendos. Lips that left much to the imagination...

The stranger was joined by another stranger of equal caliber.

  

 

Were they immortals, sent down to earth to dazzle the earthlings? Sent down, so the trees would grow to be most lush - since the leaves whispered at the sight at of these beautiful strangers, yes they did, the treetops were rustling vigorously, lending on the powers of the winds. Sent down, so the sun might shine most bright - since the rays seemed to cast a halo around every object, at the sight of these mysterious strangers, yes they did, the sun has learned to spread its light to the less beauteous children of Mother Nature.

It was one of those times, one might feel, that it would be worth all the punishments in the world, to just steal bites from the fruit of sin in Eden's garden. For these strangers.

The earthlings yearned to get close, to open the doors to these mysteries, to unravel all there was to unravel, to savor all there was to savor - every scent, sight, sound, move, and taste. To kill off the curiosity with swords of knowledge, and walk away a learned disciple of these Strangers' lives.

Yet. The earthlings desired to leave the doors sealed, to keep the lid of this Pandora's Box on; to live by the will of imagination, for the excitement of guesswork fueled the fierce flames of temptations.

 

The beautiful Strangers departed into the gentle folds of the night, as softly as the mists, until their backs merged with the shadows cast by orange streetlamps....

One would wonder if these beauteous beings were simply figments of a rich imagination, and to think about them, even dream about them, makes the world seem more vast with each passing thought. Soon, it seemed, they appeared everywhere and everyone looked like them, for a brief fraction of the second. Perhaps they were surreal, perhaps their existence were forged.

And you were about to forget them until you saw one of them today; living, breathing, as touchable as the very memory you embed them into.

The fresh waves of pain came in torrents, the exact temper of an angry ocean.... You wish you could turn back time.

Ah. Beautiful strangers.

 

 

September Skies

Dear Diary

This is another of those very back-dated entries...at least if it is to be regarded as an update on September - which is, the previous month. I had meant to write sooner, but time, and my own energy, would not grant my desire.  Many a night, I just sat on my bed, in the midst of towel-drying my hair, and accomplished nothing useful by just sitting there, peeling dry skin off my hands as though in a meditative state, and just let my mind go blank. Blank with thoughts and blank with nothingness, like an unwavering surface of a lake.

September has been a busy month, at least for the first 2 weeks. Not much shopping done, but I did take time to enjoy the dips in the malls and their restaurants / cafes.  Jane Austen has also been a good companion these while. I am glad I read her books - one of those classics most talked about, but not many have truly read them! I so love the cultures portrayed, and the use of English in a more ancient style- poetic and elegant...

Recently I have began to practise Yoga on my own at home, when I have the spare time. I so do wish I could go back to Yoga classes again... nothing like it that makes one feel truly rejuvenated and healthy in both the mind, body and soul. I promise that i will make time for it again very soon.

I have slowly lost interest in local politics, I came to realize. Part of the reason might be that, I havent the time or might to follow up on recent updates. But I have slowly came to see the two sides of the coin more clearly - nope, I am not brainwashed by propaganda or those who do not lead in the best of its people's interest. I simply do not see why we should remain the group that falls under the control of a government and some of their more ludicrious policies. There are many who are unaffected - but because they do not care, but because they can afford not to be daunted. And if we cannot change our rulership (not because we havent the power or liberty to do so, but simply, the people here have guts that only allow them to make noise but not take actions), then perhaps, it is us that we should change.

Have you ever met a stranger, who has the power to intrigue you - perhaps it is the air of mystery, or a kind of je ne sais quoi unexplainable - that pokes and gnaws at you...? There is much to wonder, and you are curious to find out much more about this stranger. You wish to open up his or her mind, or at least be allowed a peek within it, so that your curiosity is satiated and your questions are all answered...

But on the other hand, you do not really desire the key to open up this mysterious door or to unravel anything...because you do not wish to find out, do not wish to know their flaws that may make them less beauteous than in your imagination... you wish for them to be as perfect as can be, in your memory.  And somehow, they have disappeared from your life... you do not know how to find them, where they might be at, or who might know them. And this creates a longing that is painful, hopeful, amongst the vast skies and wide oceans... You do not even know if you might meet them again, ever.

Well, its late. I better go grab dinner and then take the 30 minute stroll home slowly, while the streetlamps are still willing companions.

In the meantime, here is an early Samhain greeting out to you.  les baisers et les bénédictions à vous mon amour

 

August in a Nutshell

Dear Diary,

What if, one day I forget what its like to sleep?

I couldnt think of a more suitable title for this month's entry therefore it shall be called, plainly, "August in a Nutshell".

I have been busy - but I have to admit, a little lazy as well. I hope I can complete my client servicing by next month and get started on a new project for the final quarter of the year. After all, it is the most crucial period.

Tonight is one of those weird nights.... perhaps it is the effect of the Full Moon... I have zero idea, but my mind is filled to the brim with thoughts raining unto my skull.  A million thoughts and sensations are running through me like currents through an electrical piping as well, and I have absolutely no control over these wild emotions.



I have been suitably disturbed by certain things that occurred recently. Enough to wonder about human nature and attempt to decipher the acts of others in a logical manner. I have always been fair. Even if I do abhor someone, it does not mean I let my emotions cloud my logical mind, or blind me to their positive points. Lately, though, there have been many instances I wonder if I have failed myself  - and my Psychology training miserably. There are so many passing minutes I wish I could take back, I wish my body would act in accordance to what my mind urges.

And tonight, is one of those nights I wish I could write the night away. I do not wish to enter the foggy doors of slumberland, or the arms of Morpheus. For my dreams of late have been unusual. I wish my quills and parchments could take me away from the reality of this life, once more. The mind is still my safest abbot.

I really loathe it when males make comments on a female's makeup directly to her. I may still be old-fashioned, but I believe many females should feel the same way too - I believe we do not appreciate hearing comments about our makeup, unless the male who makes the comment is homosexual, an old-time friend or a makeup artiste. Otherwise, I think it is very imprudent. After all, most of us females apply makeup to look and feel good, other than mere courtesy to our clients. I especially detest it when the more idiotic tier comment that a female's makeup is thick just because she uses darker hues. By definition, "thick makeup" is when the powder or foundation upon the face is unnatural, because of the multi-layered being applied to give the illusion of flawlessness. Like putting beige paint onto the face.

But if one merely sees dark-colored makeup and comments that it is "thick makeup", then these individuals
deserve a good ticking off on the difference between "dark" and "thick". I have people telling me my makeup is thick solely based on my lip or eyeshadow colors. I find this to be a major anti-orgasmic remark as I do not think my eye or lip makeup is thick. I probably use the same layer any female does - just that I select a darker hue. It does not indicate that I smear on my eye or lip makeup in multiple applications to achieve the colors I want! The next person who comments that my makeup is "thick" solely by looking at my eye or lip color, will get a verbal lashing from me for sure. Sometimes men just dont understand the trouble females go to to attempt enhancing their looks to be quasi-pleasant at least. That is such a shame.... like childbirth... one of the things men would never understand.




I met up with a friend recently, from a previous job in the same company, but a different department. It reminds me, of how much I still do think back on, and miss my previous job. How good life was back then  - to work easy hours, close cases, go out, enjoy attractive staff benefits, and still get a very comfortable pay every month. Those were the days - those were also the days I enjoyed my working life most, and regret not having cherished it more.
Those were the ways that shaped my woes of today as well.... secrets that I could only keep till the day I see my grave.

sounds drastic. But there is still a lot to me yet. Many sides. Many tales.

That was the past. Live not for it, but for the present, and the future.

And for a very busy upcoming September. I. love. my. Deities...
and you, mon amigas.

Reminisce of July

Title: Reminisces of July



Dear Diary,

July has come and went like a whirlwind, a dream - just like Feith's long-awaited visit. Somewhat surreal, but there were good memories to behold.

It was a busy month - plenty of road shows, a mini-trip overseas for training and team bonding. Then Feith's visit - which I brought her to old places for reminisces, new places for exploration, meeting different groups of my friends, and haunted hotel stays. And some catching up meals or singing sessions with my femme fatale amigas. A rigor no-carb, mostly cereals and salads; and low-meat diet is in order.

I love July for its excitement, but it was also a heartbreaking month - there were crescendos of endings; fearsome thoughts of new beginnings, and finally, soothing silence. Like a beautiful musical piece- orchestrated by unseen hands of Mother Nature.

There were also rumors that went around, baffling me. Do rumors ever contain any trace of truth, like fading rainbows that stronger sun-rays would obliterate easily; or are rumors pure fabrications, like the horizon between skies and seas (the horizon that does not, in reality, exist. It is but a visual effect, a fragment of our imagination...)? They do not really bother me - mayhaps, they may bother my reputation - but the important point is, the people who matter to me know, and believe the truth, and that solely suffices.

I am caught in a dilemma truely. Pray tell, between (A) an incentive holiday trip that you've worked hard for (let's strip all the honor, glory, pride etc that ride along with this trip), fully paid for by the company, and relaxing fun.... and (B) being a bridesmaid for a close friend, and you have already given your word four months ago (implying that if you break your promise at the last moment, there might be serious and dire consequences to the friendship)...  which would you choose? The dates clash badly, and you just got to know the date for the former event a week ago.

Well I don't know about you - but I reckon, I would choose years of friendship and my promise over this fun, honor, holiday package.

I love my Deities.

always wanted to read an Austen novel...



antique "engraved / embossed" earrings

black onyx trangular earrings framed by crystal rim

dark gray, irridescent camisole dress with dark purple flower prints

very unlike my darker style - green paisley dress with prints.

gold, semi-military-inspired tank dress

black skirt with flower-print. Front and back views.

Cruel Summer

Dear Diary,

If this Summer goes on like this - the heavy downpours, cold hearts and weak health, then indeed, Cruel Summer it is.

Yes, for a hot season there sure are too many days that rain graces earth. To the extent that rivers were created on normal streets in town. Which also resulted in vehicles breaking down and road accidents.

And I am down with a rather nasty cough. Hard not to fall sick with schedules as such. I am not complaining - everybody falls sick. My immunity is rather strong compared to many others. Thank you, Vitamins.

I know. My usual updates should be on a monthly basis. But this month I just have more to write about. I feel worse than I have in months... but I find it hard to talk to anyone at all. Bear with me and the rants - this shall blow over like dust in the wind.

Hit an incentive trip but am pondering if I should go ahead with it, or did I just force myself to do it to satiate those who want this to matter.  Well, but nonetheless it is still good news. On a more negative note though, I lost a deal that could have made a huge difference. That was a blow - and I felt despondent that I could not even secure this case although it was by way of referral. Part of the fault lay with me... but the key players refused to weigh down on the stakes even though I offered to cut a hefty chunk of my commission. This is very frustrating.

I dont like to talk about my relationship but I dont know if status quo is a good idea after all.  I didnt even know that the distance between us have grown to such an extent... too much... fallen leaves in the still waters forming barriers. Four years. Would it rise from the ashes and kiss the sun, someday? Or dive headlong into the dark ocean bed and sleep forever? I wish I had an answer.

I changed my hairdo. From long (waist-length), straight, dark and smooth, it is now layered, short (shoulder length) and red. I kind of love the new look - I just wish the color would stay.

Caught a movie alone. Love my new one-meal-a-day diet. With the new hairdo I need a more angular facial structure, therefore a diet is required. Though, am going for a champagne-brunch this Sunday.

Human beings envy constantly. We envy those who appear to be very much in love. We envy those who stay in luxurious mansions and live the high life. We envy the supernaturals, for the seemingly perfect, glamorous and worry-free life. But do we know the sacrifices they make to attain what we envy? Are we able to see the darker side of these pseudo-perfect lives? Do we even know that they may in turn envy a lifestyle simpler, happier and perhaps, contains more warmth?

I dont know. But I guess all of us are entitled to our preferred modes of escapism.

I need mine, definitely.

Escapism...

 

Mid-year Tribute (Special Edition)

Dear Diary

Just wanted to write more this month, somehow. It is a fun month, amidst all the busy workload. I visited the Universal Studios, Bird Park, watched soccer at a nice place, shopped some, did some voluntary work, met up with some friends... and got to spend some time by myself.

Like today. Strange how I was just thinking to myself yesterday, how much I miss shopping in the afternoon. Sometimes,  I wish I didnt have to work - that I could just spend my afternoons shopping, going for spa and manicures, doing Yoga etc. An appointment canceled out in the morning, leaving me with a fair bit of time to kill. I decided to spend a small portion of it fulfilling my desire, and headed to town. Hit the malls, and had lunch at a nice dining place alone. It has been quite some time since I last ate, shopped or caught a movie on my own. It was an enjoyable experience. I got to eat my favorite risotto, and today I tried the best-tasting tea I have ever tried. It was definitely a good gamble I took! Some common-sounding tea "Caramel Creme" but it tasted nothing like sweet, awful caramel. It was a delicate red tea from Africa, but the tea was richly-flavored with French spices. I loved it.



Why are some some people so reticent about hanging out alone? Oh well.. perhaps I am indepedent or have some loner's instrincts in me, but I find my own company enjoyable at times. You can be a free spirit without restraint of time, venues to pop by, or other nitty-gritty details. Though, I would adviser against spending too much time alone, forgetting about our friends.

I witnessed series of small miracles bestowed by my wonderful Deities lately. It is simply amazing. I just need to do more, to play my part as a worthy worshipper. My religion is a kind, gentle religion that brings out the best in people *supposedly*. People who do not know anything about it believe it to be evil or heretic. I have read widely about all kinds of religions before settling on This path. And I love my Deities. I also have some of my own special powers, and I would like to develop them further through Paganism. In case anyone is wondering... no, I do not use magic as a tool to benefit myself selfishly. I do not cast it so I may become more beautiful or richer; nor do I cast it to "force" another parties to do things against their will just so I gain the advantage from this transformation. We do not blaspheme against other religions or think them of ill intentions before fully understanding the true nature of this religion.

Even if we do practice spellcraft, we do not use sacrifices to fulfill a spell. We make use of the power of mind, and the vibration of energy around us to ask. The power of mind is scientifically proven, that if one's mind power is strong enough, there is very little that cannot be attained.



I also believe my Deities sent mon beau. No, I am not one of those gullible, lovestruck females who believe that their men are perfect and that everyone will be fidel to each other etc. He has done a lot for me, and tried his best to change so it may please me. He understands my religion, and even believes in its teachings.

Whatever the case is, I understand him, too. And I know he is not able to hide things from me because I dream. Because my dreams often predict a truth, or inform me what is going to happen or has happened. I am merely stressing this because lately, things seem a little shaky.

Building a relationship is not easy. One needs to find the the right partner, one whom they are attracted to, and can at least imagine themselves kissing or making love to. Of course, there are people I know who are with each other merely because of other factors such as wealth, status or fame etc. Being together, besides spending time together, having fun, one has to be there for the other. Then slowly, we start to find out what our partners like and dislike, start to meet their friends and family and colleagues, eventually.

white mock-turtleneck blouse by Forntieer, with sides lined in black; Unique!
 

We also need to get used to everything about the other person. How they talk, how they walk, how they dress, how they sneeze, how they do not wash up before sleeping on the bed, how they throw their belongings around a room, their oddities and quirks etc. All these are no snaps of the fingers. They all require compromises and commitment to get used to.

I know people who have been together for a decade, and still seperated eventually. What was lacking? Faith? Passion? Or were there outside infliences?

These are very personal issues. I believe mon beau is not someone who would betray me - and I am saying this because I have valid reason to believe so. If anything, I think I need to change more, so the relationship will have a better balance. I dont trust easily - in fact, I do not trust at all. It took a long while for me to trust him completely, and this trust is here to stay.

Que sera sera.

blackforest cake baked for my birthday - by mon beau's eldest sis, at http://www.bakericious.blogspot.com. This cake was heavenly.

Mid-Year Tribute

beautiful notebooks. So me



Dear Diary

It is yet another month slowly sailing through the seas of time. It has been a rainy Summer. In fact, today, traffic was so bad that I was kept on the bus for an hour - my usual traveling time to work is ten minutes. The best part was? The damned bus broke down a stop before mine. It just makes me frustrated to think, how screwed the local transport system is, to break down everytime there is a flood or heavy rain. And we call this "world class transport".

black dress with semi-toga, checkered straps 


Been feeling stressed and not too stellar for the past weeks. I do not know who exactly is reading my blog, because all I see from my trackers are ip-addresses. But details shall not be disclosed here... I felt strangely calm, even tranquil... but I knew I was somewhat depressed. My comfort food were Coke and chocolates. I did not sleep much as well. Though, I thought I should be feeling much stronger emotions than this numbed tranquility.

Sometimes, gloomy feelings like these provoke so much thoughts in me. Even silent reproaches towards myself. I throw myself the question "What right do you have to feel depressed?" Exactly that. What right do I, do many others, have to get all upset, melodramatic and act like life is mistreating us? Many times, our emotions and thoughtforms are caused by our own lack of control, and worse still, our unwillingness to exercise due control. We think the world is coming to an end on a daily basis, we become uncaring towards others, we weep in the wee hours of the night and hate majority of other lifeforms because of our own imbalances. Yet, most of the times, our misfortunes are by no means greater than those who have perhaps, lost their homes to arson, lost their loved ones due to disasters, lost mobility because of limbs' malfunctions etc. Pray tell, then why do we let our emotions affect us more so, than those who truly suffer.

Mayhaps they are stronger. Their willpower precedes ours.  Like recently, I volunteered at a home for the disabled. Seeing these people, witnessing how they go about their lives in such nonchalant and cheerful manners...I
realized they are stronger than us in many ways. I like partaking in charity events and giving to the less fortunate - a little bit of a philanthropic - but I guess its one of the few things that can bring out the caring factor in me. On the streets, usually I am uncaring towards mortal beings. I would dote on an animal more than to care about a stranger on the streets.

white dress with checkered collar and belt 

Life has been work, work, work. I managed to squeeze some time out for dinners with longtime friends. Foie gras, seafood, steaks, sashimi. Yum yum.

A friend tried to preach about Christianity to me yesterday. We kind of got into a tiff over it, which I felt was a completely imbecile thing. I was a stout Christian sometime ago - but that was before I fully understood the religion. I am not implying there is anything wrong about being Christian - or Muslim - or Jew - or Buddhist - or Hindu etc, for that matter. I just feel, and believe that Religion is a very personal thing. All of us have our own spiritual experience, our own faith and miracles that happened to us. We connect with different teachings out there, and feel comfortable with different groups, covens, etc.

A true believer of any religion would not attempt to impose their religion upon others. Especially they understand that the other party loathes hearing about "the gospel". I love my DEITIES for a reason. It does not matter whether there is one god, or multiple gods, or no god. This is not for us to argue upon, as long you one believes their god/s exist. I am Wiccan and I am proud to be one. I have a tattoo on my back to announce it. I found that religion because its teachings are purely beautiful, embraces nature, and I have enjoyed a fair share of blessings by my Goddesses and Gods. There are many misconceptions about Wicca. Some people deem it to be "Satanic" - and this is totally wrong. Others believe we use spells to harm others, or attain what we want by force. These are complete myths too. Like all religions, there is a black and white side. Wiccan does not encourage harm or alteration by one's will by force. It is a very misunderstood religion.  I would love to share more about it in another entry, perhaps July's.

At least, I dont preach against dishonesty and yet instigate others to lie for my benefit - and still call myself a (worthy) disciple of my God.

white cool, satin dress. I hate White Mondays (company culture!)

 
Lastly, something very strange took place on Sunday. I was at work, and casually told two colleagues that they would close a huge case each (I will not mention the exact figures). Bear in mind that for this particular road show location, there had not been such large cases for a year (at least). Both of them secured their huge cases shortly after my "prophecy". Then I related this incident to another colleague, who playfully asked for prediction. I gave it to her, with the exact breakdown of her case sizes. The latter came true as well. She and I were both spooked.

I always knew I had a little clairvoyance in me.... some sort of unexplainable powers. I had dreams that came true. I passed certain tests of life in means not conventional. I have predictions that come true (dated way back). I "see" odd visions, especially when under the induction of songs.

Listen to Amethystium's and Vangelis' albums. Tell me if you dont fall in love with them....

All right, mon cheries, I am tired. Have to wake in 4 hours' time. Miss travelling overseas. See you again in the arms of Morpheus. Smooocchhesss....

May -hem

Dear Diary

May's entry came a little earlier than expected but I do not see any major changes that might occur in the next 2 weeks that may be significant enough to write about. I finally activated my Blackberry data plan today and was amazed at the fact that I could finally browse the web, use chat messengers and check emails on the go. I know, this is silly - almost everyone is doing it lately. But for my case, you have to remember I am an anti-technology person. I have been carrying the Blackberry Curve for months and all the while I have only been utilizing its call and SMS functions.

There were hiccups that caused me to be rather (emotionally) stressed at work. First there was the withhold of my commission due to no (or perhaps just a little) fault of my own. If I could screw the underwriting team upside down, rest assured that it will be one huge, bloody orgy.  Ok, I don't hate them that much. But they tend to do things that drive us crazy at times.

it is a simple black dress but I have been looking for a racer back dress for years. The best thing is this comes with pockets so it can be good for work as well.

Colleagues who are starting to become my friends are leaving the circle. I am sure they will find higher grounds to reach, and perhaps be happier. It is just a little distressing but then again, such is always the case with departures. It is, more often than not, the remaining parties who feel saddened by these departures. The departing parties have it easier - since they have to integrate themselves into their new grounds, wherever that may be. Hell, I have been the departing party in many situations as well. I seldom feel sad at leaving, but did the remaining parties get affected by my leave?

Sprained my left wrist again. My netbook at work broke down. Thankfully my bro's in the IT line ;)

Black toga dress with one side zipped-strap and the other, sword-sleeved.

plum-colored spaghetti-strapped dress that looks like a 2-piece outfit
 
It is ironic how I used to hate men and distrust them.... even fear their intentions at times... but it is the males I seem to be closer to in recent years. They are easier to talk to, for a change. Unbiased, untainted viewpoints and good listening ears.... plus they being more intellectual rather than ruled emotionally...   I love my female friends for different reasons.

Forgot the actual date for mon beau's and my 4th year anniversary - rather embarrassing, me being a female and he remembers the date better than I. It was a rather bland celebration but as the years go by, celebrations tend to be less important.

It is the memories that have greater value lately. Every single song in my ipod playlist reminds me of a different experience or incident. Every single one of them has the power to bring me back to a different stage of my life and allow me to relive the experience all over again. Albeit some painful ones, included. But I no longer hold regrets - for everything that happened made me who I am today. Reminsces. Nostalgia. Facades, facades, facades...

Black, white and pale gold "tiled" dress... good for my hated "White Mondays".

On a happier note, it is a good month for three of my closest girlfriends. Congrats *Charliez, for the wedding ROM. And *Priscillia who shall have a wonderful vacation to her dream country (mine, too...). And Happy Birthday *Faith. I love the news that you'll be coming back for a short holiday in July and it is all I can do to stop the countdown.

Birthday celebrations. Mother's Day dinners. That pretty much makes up my Maydays. The rest of it shall be work, religion, work, religion, work, religion. And perhaps a little of my writings and designings.

pink and gray dress in a chiffon-lycra blend material, something I fell in love with at first sight although my prime color is black.
 

There are times I wonder - wistfully- if I could settle down for a more comfortable lifestyle; something simple and one I would not think about work after office hours. Skip the corporate world shyt - just sit behind the counters serving customers or doing data entry. Earn enough to go travelling twice yearly, eat at middle class restaurants, spend lots of time with my friends and even have time for the Telly and a pet. Like, an adorable black-and-white kitten. Why not?

Its a question I have been pondering for years. Today it hit me again. I finally had the time to mall crawl in the afternoon. Brought about a sense of familarity - the only difference between then and now is ... I feel so lost now, as though I do not know how to mall crawl in the afternoon when everyone else is hard at work.

This entry is tres long! Gracias for your attention, and stay basked my light, love and kisses...

----<---(@


My gift from Mon Beau for our 4th-year anniversary. Love this pair of earrings (even secretly more than the Tiffany's ones ;)




 

April, my month

Dear Diary

as I am penning this entry right now, a million thoughts are racing through my mind and I am kept awake at 4am in the morning. Sleep eludes me, and my own naked thoughts delude me.

This is my month. Yet it is not one of the best months I've had. Lots of shopping. Lots of meeting up with my wonderful friends. A mini trip made possible by mon beau and a public holiday. The latter was fun - it was the second time I went to that place. I spent sometime alone, while mon beau wasted his money in the Casino sitting on the losing end.... I entertained myself by going for slow rides, window shopping and a fish spa treat. I welcomed the break very much. Time doesnt allow me to travel to a further destination - I might have to give my favorite country a miss this year.

  

I have been emotionally disturbed, but I need to keep it aside and focus on my work. I did not come back to this industry so that I could execute a "fail and hop".... Yet I know I have not been giving my best. I need to work harder and continue to improve. Learning does not stop at any point in our lives. And once my career stabilizes, I may have room to pursue my other interests such as Psychology and fashion. Call me versatile... but I have so many passions in life yet so little time to work them all out. I need better time management and Apollo's energy.



I have changed much this year, I feel. Call it the maturing process, the aging effects or .... toning down period. But it, inevitably, is happening. I tend to take things more lightly, and handle them in a calmer manner. Those who do not know me before, may not know how demanding and spoiled I could be. Perhaps it was young age that gave me the freedom to be so, but my temper had caused pain to many who cared for me, and caused thwarts in a couple of potential careers. Every offender who crossed my path, I would be severely affected and need to plant vengeance. I have reached the stage whereby I do not concur with the theory of "an eye to an eye" anymore. Perhaps it is due to my religion and its teachings, but these days, I leave vengeance to Fate. It does not mean I have slowly evolved into a doormat, though. My tongue is still sharpened to razor points and my mind is still open to devious ideas, should harm come my way. But generally, I get over things in an easier light.

This is not one of my most fascinating entries. But nonetheless, I thank you for reading. It is going to be another busy, appointments-filled weekend, so stay tuned for May's updates!